Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Remembering him

Precious Tristan---

So hard to believe it's now been 6 years since I kissed the bridge of your nose, right where my lips fit perfectly. 

Camden's note :Mom, the baby wats (wants) you!
So hard to not have your baby smell to breathe in each day and rejoice that you were with us for another sunrise.

So hard to recall sitting on my porch at 4 am the day before and wanting to scream because my baby was dying but the world was going right on as usual, as if nothing was wrong.

So hard to not miss the feel of you in my arms. They ACHED for days after you left, with the desire to feel you in them, just one more time.

So easy to have loved you.

So easy to know God granted you your time here.

So easy to see what a blessing you were to us all.

So easy to know we will see you again, precious son, when we come to Heaven:)

Some called you a foster child, we called you SON. 6 years but our love remains true.  Forever and ever our beloved son, we could not have been more blessed to have you for the short time we did.

A special and wonderful gift to our lives.

Just as our adoptive kiddos are. I've been hurt recently by family members (Yep, them again) who were saying that we get monthly checks to care for our adoptive children.

This is NOT true.

I'm bummed that if they don't know the truth that they would spread lies. That they wouldn't just ASK.  We did not adopt ANY of our children (or even foster) to gain funds.

We did fundraise for adoption costs. We did take a tax credit for fees we had already paid (can take this once per child's adoption once the adoption is over) because I was given the opportunity to go to full time hours for a year to pay for adoption costs for Kat.

Once we had adoption tax credit from her adoption we used that larger than normal tax return to roll over on to Chloe's adoption, then the boys, etc. We never ONCE went in to adoption looking for pay outs for their daily costs to raise them.

We both WORK. We rely on GOD to provide for us, our strong and healthy bodies that can work, that extra hours of work come when costs come up such as uncovered dental, school clothes, car repairs. I coupon like crazy to keep food costs down because we pay for all the groceries from our paychecks.

Our home was purchased and remodeled with a good, old fashioned mortgage. Our down payment came from the old house equity. Having this newer home decreased not only our monthly mortgage payment (we still marvel about God's provisions of that) but our fuel costs are 1/3 what they were in our old drafty home.

Even when we did foster, we never did it for the money. If we had we would have jumped over to therapeutic care (we took the  therapeutic training to use for our foster kiddos to give better care-- but we did county care) which paid 3x the daily rate compared to county care.  We didn't  because we wanted to help kids, not have income from them.

Now, do not think I begrudge anyone who DOES adopt from foster care here and gets a monthly stipend. NOPE-- I am thrilled for you because it's expensive to raise kids. VERY expensive. And that was started here in the US to allow people who could not afford to raise a child or more to their budget to encourage adoption. And I think it's a super thing to do that.

It just doesn't happen to apply to us because we adopted internationally and private domestic for Paisley, so there is no "aid" for us. And we are okay with that. Because we adopted knowing this- we signed the papers saying we would care for them as if they were born of us. And we do.

Because each and every need is met. God is our benefactor. He provides each and every time. Our kids do not go without. Yes, to have all of them we have had to do some budgeting-- we do not have new cars, we have to look at what activities we can afford for them when the issue arises. Just like most every other family out there.

I only address this because it's not only an insult to US, it's a greater insult to GOD that we have these treasures added in by adoption and then to have our own family insinuate they are "making us money" or "government funded." Shame on you family. Shame.

 Everyone in this house honors and serves GOD. 

 Sometimes one of the HARDEST things to do is to understand what we have is GOD'S. Not ours. The house. The funds,  even the children are HIS. And what we try our best to do is honor Him in that.

Hopefully this will clear up once and for all the question of how we have what we have. One word for you (family members)..........................  GOD.

And it's an amazing blessing to have HIM provide each and every time for ALL of our needs. He has never once let any one of us down.  I'll be praying today for peace for losing our precious baby boy 6 years now, and for forgiveness to those who have hurt us with their false tales:(


Jennie said...

Vickie - Thank you for sharing. I certainly hope the ignorant family members read this particular blog entry. It is not an easy or inexpensive undertaking - to adopt or foster those children. You and your husband are an inspiration! To God Be The Glory.

Wendy said...

Wow, some people are so ignorant. When we adopted our daughter from China, the US government actually made us sign a paper saying we would never ask for money in the states to use for our daughter. We had to do this because she has a special need. Clearly, when people speak about adoption and know nothing about it, they really should just keep their mouths shut. It is an insult to is an insult to us who want to add to our family through adoption. Let me tell you, fostering children just to gain a few bucks is totally not worth it as the emotional toll it creates (although a great emotional toll) can never be bought. If someone wanted to make money, it would be much easier to go out and get a job. Good grief.

Dottie P said...

I am responding to this late, because I have just read the last few posts, but when we sponsored Cambodian refugees (from the 80's "boat people"), some people then thought we were receiving a check to do it(and of course, we didn't receive a penny). I think if you don't have Christ's love in your heart, maybe you can't imagine why anyone would take the extra time and money to provide and care for children or people who are not your own. They just don't understand. So we have to pray for these people to receive His love.
Still, Vickie, the degree to which you have done this IS an inspiration! I thank God for your love for these children and your talent and willingness to share about it.