Thursday, September 12, 2013


I am saddened by the recent media "blitz" on adopted children who did not make it in their first home and their family looked to disrupt their adoption via the wrong means. Bad people preyed on these families and children were hurt.

It's WRONG. Horribly wrong.

There ARE reasons adopted children can not make it in a first family, I've written of it before. The families trying to find a better fit for these children-- they are NOT monsters, I've written about that.

The children need to be in homes that they are able to thrive- I've not only written about it but provided a home for one of these precious children.

The news reported was needed. For sure. Because children were being sent to live with people who were not who they said they were. There are legal ways to find a new home for a child in need--- just as our first family did to bring Paisley to us. Agency involvement to meet ALL state guidelines BEFORE a child is moved across any state line.

All the children the news reported on ended up with inappropriate people  because of the huge lack of help/understanding/support/knowledge of what to do when you are overwhelmed with the care of an adopted child and are thinking the child may need more than a family can do.

Firstly SPEAK OUT. Ask for support, help. Sometimes just having someone say "Oh yeah, I know what you are dealing with." Is ENOUGH. You realize although not a path you expected, the behavior is typical.

Sometimes it's much worse. It's a matter of safety for other children and the child, it's issues beyond the scope of what a family can handle, resources they have. At that point they NEED to know what to do, where to LEGALLY turn to find the right placement for their child, no matter what that means--- another home, foster care, a treatment center, etc. There is a total lack of information for families.

As the news stories were based on the lack of charges, the horrible results for the children involved, I will not be linking up the stories for you to read. I will not exploit the children involved any more than the news is already doing.

I read the stories. They are sickening. For sure. SHOULD-NOT-HAPPEN. To ANY CHILD.  The saddest thing( beyond the pain these children went through)---- not one mention as to WHAT TO DO if you are struggling. Not one mention of disrupted adoptions and children who ARE doing well, in a legally obtained home with a family who loves them, while they bloom and thrive. 

No, it was all horror, as if that's all that comes of disruption:( 

Which is untrue. So I will not promote it. I will say we need to pray for the children involved and that yes, the unfit people taking children from unknowing families should be stopped. Without one doubt.

But what is also hugely needed? GET STRUGGLING FAMILIES HELP. This is not just a wake up call for parents looking to disrupt and wanting to find a new family for a child- this is a huge wake up call to AGENCIES-- step up to the plate here-- once the adoption is over and all fees paid DO NOT leave families floundering with seemingly no where to turn. 

And another note here----- do not charge THOUSANDS of dollars for finding a child a new home. An agency fee to do this after being paid for the first adoption of the child is WRONG. Consider it "follow up care" and suck it up. Because no one should be financially benefiting from disruption. Too many families are drained from the initial adoption and then faced with outrageous fees is just wrong. 

Paisley's first family's agency (say that fast twice) did the legal paperwork for her to come to us for no fee. Yes, they did. It's NOT terribly complicated and if the agency does domestic adoptions they know all the in's and out's of the state regulations anyway. 

Man up here agencies-- get on the ball. Because the ball has been dropped, and more than once.  It's a serious problem affecting many children, children who don't deserve anything less than the right family to raise them, love them, cherish them and be their forever.


Patty said...

Well said, Vickie.

Kaylee said...

Parents who feel they are unable to keep their adopted kid have legal options -- options that include relinquishing the child to CPS and paying child support until said child turns 18 (or is adopted by someone else).

Many of the parents in the Reuters series simply wanted to get out of paying child support (for their kid! that they are legally obligated to support!) or because the state of their house was such that they were scared CPS would remove ALL of their kids instead of just the "problem" kid.

Susan said...

Why is it there are always stories about adoptions gone wrong but rarely anything about the millions of adoptions that are successful.

Rebecca said...


connie said...

Great job, sister!

Jean said...

I really agree- families that find themselves in this situation NEED HELP!

I too was saddened by the twist they put on this story.

Praying for the families and for the children.

Wendy said...

Vickie, I was involved in an adoption group on Facebook. Thought it was a way to connect to other parents who have adopted. Boy was I wrong. There were people in this group who preyed upon those who were having difficulty with their children. I know this was part of the news story. After I saw that, I quickly deleted the group and then I decided to delete myself from Facebook altogether because one never really knows who he or she is talking to. So sad. You are right, we must pray for these children. I think some agencies do a great job of supporting new families but unfortunately not all do which leave parents with not knowing who to turn to. I think society does not help....after all, if one gives birth and then has problems with the new baby not sleeping at night, people feel sorry for them but if a parent adopts a child and is struggling, people question why they adopted the child if they are only complaining about the new child. So sad....