I cried. I couldn't help it.
Now understand, I am not a crier. I don't cry often. But I felt my heart just break.
BROKEN. I felt broken. And I understood for a few moments how God MUST feel, although I have no doubt that He shielded me from the full force of the pain. Because I'm sure I could not have taken on the BURDEN our Father has.
Where did this happen? Who did this? What was IT?
We were in the van, Chance, Kat, Phoebe and me. Going to get Uncle Roy and family at the airport, coming in from their vacation back to Japan ( yes, I'm jealous as all get out) but we were chatting, Chance and I as the two in the front, as I drove. The girls in the back were busy playing games.
We passed a church, and Chance asked "Why do we bury people next to the church?" He finds that sooo odd. And I said "Out of respect", and as usual, I love my Chance and love to jag on him some, so I said "Should we not bury you next to the church, how about in a hole in the yard." He said "Yep, just not too close (to the house) or he would stink." Oh, my outdoor lovin' son, how he makes me laugh. (Yes, MOM we have a sick sense of humor, I know)
Anyway-- I don't know the exact words that led to him saying "I've seen dead people." And as a nurse, this doesn't faze me, nor as their mother have I learned to be shocked at what they tell me at times they have seen. My children come from many years of orphanage care. It's not pretty. It's not cute painted pictures on the walls, big eyed babies waiting to be scooped up and loved on. I've heard horror stories before. (SADLY)
My precious son proceeds to tell me very matter of fact, that he saw MANY children DIE. MANY-CHILDREN-DIE. Some from not enough food, some from diseases. Not just babies with major problems that came in, but children he lived with for years, he knew them well.
So many children, in fact, they had to make a "fridge" at the orphanage to hold the bodies. And that a truck would come and THEY (as in MY CHILDREN, MY SONS) would be made to help load DEAD children in the truck to be taken away to be "burned up." Some 5-6 years old, some older, some babies.
I listened in silence. Feeling my heart breaking. Trying to concentrate on driving. As the tears welled. As they started a path down my face. As I started to sniffle.
He realized I was crying. He apologized for making me cry. "Sorry mom, I make you cry." And I couldn't say a thing-- so on he went -- "It just happened. Some were diseased, some not enough food, but some (KIDS) did get adopted." Obviously before they got to dying--
But then something hit my heart besides the horrible pain-- it was ANGER. And I said 3 words--
"BUT NOT ENOUGH."
That's right- NOT ENOUGH got adopted. Because children/ babies/teens are DYING today. Because they have disease, yeah, maybe, but also because they don't have FOOD to eat.
They feed the kids by age (because they have to)--
youngest must have food to make it- feed first
toddlers, need food- they come next
preschoolers, need to be fed- feed next
school age- well, they can survive if they miss one meal
but the teens, well, they can go with 1 meal a day, or NONE if there's none left when they get to them.
So they GO WITHOUT, often for DAYS.
When's the last time you or I went without 1 meal and said the meaningless words "WOW, I'm starved" when we did get to eat our very next meal? I'm so ashamed, I have thoughtlessly said that.
My children, along with MANY others, last count 285 children (when our kids came from their orphanage there were 150 children) know that "being starved" is not missing one meal. Hunger HURTS. When it's been 3 days and all you got was a piece of bread, your belly HURTS, it aches in a way you can hardly stand.
I'm sharing this because of what I said to Chance when I finally could say more-- still in the van, still driving, just sniffling now----
"Chance people SHOULD care. I care. No child should mean nothing more than a body- that they didn't get a chance to grow up, to be loved. God loved those children and He wants better for His children, someone has to care about those children----WE HAVE TO CARE."
I don't know WHY God placed this on my heart. I have been asking Him-- besides raising our kiddos what does He want me to do? Where can I show His love to people? I figure it will be something with orphaned children because He does know my heart for them, I love them ALL-- I would love to be their MOM and give them love. Even from afar.
I know we are done adopting, I feel a great comfort in that right now. He is guiding our family boat and the boat is full.
That's really okay with me, even when my heart says, "Get a 747 rented out and go get them ALLLLLLLLLL. " These children are my passion. And I only speak of Chinese orphanages because that's what I know, do not think for one minute I don't want to love me some African or Haitian, Bulgarian, Russian, babies, I love them all, and not just babies either, I could undoubtedly love me some teens, older kids. They are children in need and they don't care about the color of my skin-- if I have a meal for them, or a hug, or love to give them.
So I wonder what/who He needed me to share this with? Because He led me to write this post, so it must mean there's a reason behind that. Is someone out there "sittin' on the fence?" Are you wondering --should we adopt, should we help someone adopting, should we see if we can get a waiver for age, income, being single, try another country, adopt kids in need from foster care--- whatever it is---
Let me tell you--- not one of those children who died are getting a second chance. NOT ONE MADE IT. And-- there's more dying TODAY. There's children, young and old, in many countries, who want to be fed, loved, cherished, CHOSEN---
This is NOT God's PROBLEM-- it's OURS. He will cover fees (look how He got us fully funded for Phoebe and the boys), He will guide you to the "right child" meant for your family-- He will reward those answering the need that step forward in financial ways to help families adopting-- He will cover all of that.
But first we have to answer His call to DO SOMETHING.
Just as I am sharing this today-- I couldn't NOT write this. It spilled out of me like an uncontrolled overflow-- just as the tears did yesterday and threaten to come still today, thinking over and over what my very own son said, what he saw, what he experienced as a child trying to survive in an orphanage.
No one cared. No one loved. No one provided. No one cried. Until NOW.
My son has been CHOSEN-- now, let's be in prayer, and if called, take ACTION----so many more Father, let's get SO MANY MORE OF THEM CHOSEN. WHY NOT ALL OF THEM??? Nothing is too big for my God.
Loved, provided for, cared about, NOW.
They are not meant to have only one sad momma, crying for them after they are gone, after it's too late:( Someone else's momma at that:( Not even their OWN momma.
No children deserve to die this way.They just don't. We have to care. We HAVE to. I've been blessed with 6 of these treasured children. It doesn't make me care less about the others, the unchosen ones- and honestly, I'm doing what God asked for ours but it's given ME so much more to parent our children than what bringing them in to our family has cost us in any way.
I want more and more people to experience the treasures these children are. None need to be UNCHOSEN. NOT ONE. God cares--- We, as His people, we must choose to care...........
Does anyone care??? Anyone at all?