Please. A simple word. I ask it of you. Please. PRAY. Please.
I have 3 families on my heart. Family #1 and child "J". Need YOUR prayers. For help with their troubles, for adjustment, for acceptance of love, for acceptance of parenting, for parents to have strength, to feel HIM standing beside them, even holding them when needed to parent this child.
Family #2 and child "E". For adjustment, for healing, for overcoming things totally unfair and painful done to their child in an orphanage. For guidance in helping "E".
Family #3 and child. For adjustment, assistance in getting where they need to be whatever that place is. For their whole family who is struggling badly.
Can anyone really think ANY child should NOT be adoptable? Really? Let me tell you something, my world is filled with children and families that are REAL. Not always perfect, not even close, but the outstanding thing in all of this is "THEY ARE WORTHY." These kids are WORTH it.
No matter the road. Maybe God decided, because you asked, or He saw you were ready-- to take on one of these "tough ones?" Yes, He can and WILL use you to parent some of the harder kiddos because He knows your heart. He knows the path. He doesn't promise easy but He is THERE FOR YOU. Right THERE--He is not leaving you alone.
He may have a path you never dreamed you would be following to raise this child, or even have an issue that you can't raise the child and have to re home. This does not mean you are failing. Either way, YOU ARE NOT FAILING HIM-- or YOUR CHILD.
This may be a way you grow in Him. I mean if things are going along smoothly-- do you take as much time with HIM? No, usually we do not. It's pretty typical, but is it what He wants? No. So if you have strife and need Him, where are you? On your knees? In prayer? Thinking about the issue?
I struggled when we first came home with Phoebe. Issues, yes, but also that she was so easy going and my focus of prayer has been on her for a LONGGGGG time. Like get up,praying for her, for the paperwork, for the fees, etc., all throughout my day!
And I haven't been as diligent now that my prayer is more of a "thank you FATHER" for answering all those prayers. Is that okay? No. It's not. It's not where He wants me. Therefore He often sends me families that I can give advise to because we have walked the walk of tough, older child adoptions. And sometimes that's nothing more than saying "I know what you are talking about." AND I will pray for them, AND I DO.
Because God does hear each and every prayer and He knows the burdens of our hearts. He can and WILL get us through even our darkest hours. He never leaves.
As much as I love each and every single one of my children no matter where they came from, they have caused me more heartache and pain than ANY OTHER PERSON in my life. Sometimes more than one of them. Sometimes I have felt battered by their issues, their needs. But HE always gets me through and even provides now that I gave that over to Him.
And I want for these families to have peace, to have the easy times come that they so desire, because they love these children from hard places sooooo very much. Even the toughest ones to love. Deep down, even when they seem totally unlovable, these families are loving them because they are doing everything possible to make it work for their child. Showing them God's wish- LOVE OTHERS.
Just know families 1,2 and 3---- I've been there. I know how tough times can be. Exhausting. Not what you expected. Not where you dreamed your family would be when you stepped out and answered His call. Draining. Upsetting. Annoying. Tiring. Joyless:(
BUT He knew you were the ONES. Now, don't be sayin' "No thanks" even if you think you want to:) See I do know what it's like:) Because this is a SEASON---
A season God has for you for a reason. You may not know why, someday you may look back and go "Ohhh. Now I see." Or you may NEVER know why. It doesn't mean this is how it will always be, or that He wants you to struggle. NO. He wants you to trust in Him that the children you adopted were were meant to change your life.
And that doesn't mean bashing yourself for not being "good enough" YOU certainly ARE to HIM. He chose YOU. He knows you and loves you. These children are treasures, even when they don't seem even a little bit lovable but the biggest treasure is FAMILY. You have given these gems of God, a FAMILY.
If they accept it, super. If they don't, harder but you still have given them exactly what He called you to give. It's so hard for me to hear moms thinking they aren't "doing enough." I beg to differ MOMS. Stop that. I don't know ONE OF YOU that is not doing everything humanly possible to help their child.
If you yelled today-- If you are fed kids cereal, sent them to bed at 7-- if you let the shower go because it would be a battle-- I don't care, you made it through the day and for that you are wonderful in my book. No one has the right to judge you if you are doing everything you can and judging yourself as failing is WRONG.
This is NOT YOU failing---Your child has been traumatized and can not always do what they need to do to make it in your family. Sometimes they can with time. There is NO magic key to this, it's as individual as we as people ARE. What works for one child may work for another or may not. Some behaviors are the same and some are individual to what your child has been through.
We know this because we have siblings. ALL from the same situation just different ages/sexes. And ones who have jumped on board, ones who have had trouble that we could not/ can not FORCE to see their way to a healthy life.
God has gotten us through, given us tools, given us people who can sympathize, give advice, have lived it too. First I had to take the "It's personal against ME" out of the equation. Because we as parents want to take the blame for anything that seems to go awry. I'm telling you that's a waste of time. Use that time to connect with people, get help, pray, try a new tactic.
Take time for YOU, to recharge, to come back at it fresh. If you must feel blame, place it where it belongs, on the situation, people, orphanage that caused it. NOT YOU. I've sat and cried with my children over the unfairness of things they experienced. For sure. Heartbroken for them. BUT not able to take on the responsibility for their behavior to ME, because that just doesn't make sense, now does it?
Do exactly what you 3 families have done, reach out. Ask for prayers. Prayer Warriors, we are needed. We must wrap these families in our prayers, protect them, give them strength to go on and on.
I ask---- will you? Will you leave these families encouraging comments, we can lift them up just in our support for them-- to allow them to know they are cared about, that we HONOR them and their commitment to their children, for giving their children families, for all they do each and every day.
This post is my way to honor them, to have them know I am soooo proud of you and I know you are wonderful families doing everything you can. And I am in prayer for your families, your children. Each one of you are special. 100% special and I am thankful to know you.