Saturday, December 15, 2012

Feelings

I'm a mixed up mess of emotions today.

 First the news of babies, people's BABIES dying for NO REASON other than some horrible person decided to shoot innocent school children, people's babies, and the people trying to protect them:( My prayers go to the families of the victims, I'm soooo sorry for the loss of these precious people in your lives. I just can't even imagine this.

Then-- well, I don't even know how to write this. You see MOM has been a part of this blog, as surely as I write this blog. Many of you see your MOMS in my MOM  posts because, well, that's just how they are.

Drive you nuts, tell you not to go out with wet hair (you'll catch your death of a cold, you know) and other such wonderful tidbits of knowledge we all can't live without. Can't live with them but love them-- MOMS.

So when I got a call last eve that I was needed in the ER because MOM was there my heart sank. I don't know how to even make myself type the word C-A-N-C-E-R. I hate you CANCER, I HATE YOU. I hate, hate HATE YOU.  You took my father when I was little, you took my grandmother, my uncle, then my wonderful cousin whom Phoebe is being adopted and named after.

Because my cuz wanted to adopt. But she never got to. Last year this time I had gone to see her to say goodbye (you should never have to do this with a cousin YOUNGER than you) and she told me the one thing she didn't get to do she wished she could, ADOPT. So, I told her we had her covered, Phoebe would be adopted in her honor. And then my cousin was gone:(  But this will be such a special honor to parent this child:)

But I digress, because I don't want to accept what I have been told. It's not good. A tumor, lymph node involvement, fluid in the lungs. Sadly not much to do over a weekend for a "plan" of action, so as we try to let this sink in and we "wait" for the official word of how they will further test to see if it is indeed malignant. Although I saw the doctor who read the scan and there's really not a question. He was pretty darn sure. I wish he wasn't.

I'm FLOORED. To say the least. I'm angry, sad, angry, sad-- I don't know what to feel. I can't understand how we fund research for all kinds of things, why is there no CURE for cancer? As in vaccine for cancer, no one finding out another loved one is entering a BATTLE against that evil word CANCER. WHY?

I know there's no answer. I know. I just don't LIKE IT.  

I feel a great sense of urgency, we gotta get Phoebe home. I want MOM to have a reason, a purpose to FIGHT THIS FIGHT. To see that little precious girl who NEEDS her grandma to have lots of time to get to know her. To show her things, to tell her not to go outside with wet hair. 

Our children already do not have any grandpas.
Phoebe NEEDS this grandma. Because it's been a hard time for MOM lately, she lost a close friend and hasn't really coped well since.  MOM needs to know there is a good reason to give this battle her all.

And if you are blessed with a MOM, call her, DO IT NOW, for me, for my MOM-- and tell her you love her. Hug her if you are close enough to do so. Let your MOM know you love her, okay?


I'll remind you to bid on the dolls and contact me if you 
won auction items if you want to receive them by Christmas.

I want to share what we still need in funds to get to China-- it's a LOT, I just don't have the heart tonight:(   


4 comments:

~Monica Utt~ Itty Bitty Land said...

Vickie, I am so very sorry to hear about your mom! No one is perfect but we expect our mom to be our #1 supporter and when they aren't, it really hurts. A comment that we could have easily brushed off, coming from someone else, just cuts to the core, coming from our mom. But not matter what, or how many hurts, they are still our mom and we love them. And so it hurts. I wish I lived close, so could be there to help: sit for the kids, so you could spend time with her; give a shoulder to cry/lean on; bring a meal, so you could use your time in other ways;... You have such a big, beautiful heart, I am sure you have friends that are there with you that will do these things, but know that even though you don't know me, I will be doing a very big something, and that is holding you, your mom, and your family in my prayers. Monica

Colleen said...

I'm so sorry about your mom, Vickie! The "C" word stinks! We had just started the adoption process for our first adoption when my mom was diagnosed with leukemia. I will pray for you and your mom. Take care! Colleen

Nancy said...

Oh Vickie, I am so, so sorry to hear of your mother. I will pray for your mother and for you.

Grandma Shelley said...

hugs, my dear friend....