This is NOT to say people do not get on my nerves. That things do not irritate me.
Here's a few examples--
Burnt toast. Can't stand that smell. Burnt popcorn comes in a strong second.
"Someone" getting 100 MILLION dollars in ONE MONTH to campaign for an election, and children all over the world going hungry. Something HUGE wrong with that.
Does anyone realize that if-- say, 10K of that money went toward adoption of any child from any country that equates to 10,000 children being helped? I mean, how fast would word spread of that? Probably further than the campaigning efforts of said person. Don't worry (MOM) I'm not hanging by the phone expecting a job offer to be any one's campaign adviser, I know better. Sad.
Children rolling eyes at me. Ohhh, yeah. This drives me bonkers. And guess who did it? Chance thought that would be something to try after he and Camden were horse playing around and got out of hand and Camden got hurt.
So after Chance got grounded for his crap behavior of rolling eyes and refusing to show me respect, he pouted. He sat with his parents at one picnic. Then another. He told someone who asked where his parents were when he was walking ahead of us "We don't have parents"--- yeah, that rotten booger.
Now don't worry (MOM) I didn't beat him. And honestly a part of me was laughing- because my teens are so, well, NORMAL. Yup, just like other teens. Snotty at times. Testing the lines. Seeing if we will stand firm. And we did. Till he apologized he was the one hurtin' not me. And I told him that. He was only hurting himself. Missing out till he could find his way to apologize, mean it and own the behavior.
He had been pushing things, I told him to get his feet off the patio table and when I walked away, he put them right back up. Little things. But DEFIANT. And I don't do defiant.
When he finally straightened up I told him-- this was not about your
horse playing with Camden and it getting out of control (very common for them to STILL think Camden is favored and he didn't get in trouble for the horseplay so I fixed that idea) ---- this was about your lack of respect to me, your attitude. You try that out with a boss someday and you will be fired. Done. No waiting 2 days for you to apologize. Or you treat your wife like that, she's not going to be very happy.
He was back to his usual happy and outgoing self very fast. I prefer him that way-- but I will not let him get away with stuff either. Can't. Not if we want him to be the fine young man he is capable of being.
Other things he told me recently-- his friend told him since he has a small amount of hair above that upper lip that he is all done growing. Chance wasn't too happy to hear that because he really wants to be taller. Not sure why, because he is about 5'6 or so, not that short, really. Taller than mom.
That we "saved him from dying." Never thought I'd hear that out of one of these kids. But there it was. Now before you all get mushy, he said this-- "He couldn't learn his times tables up to the 9's and he had to go to a teacher's office each day and try to recite the times tables and if he didn't he was sure they were going to dead him and we came and got him just in time."
Now I don't think they would have KILLED him over not knowing his times tables but to traumatize my child over times tables? Really? Come on. What in the world? Do I CARE if he can't do the times tables? Nope, I don't. I'd like for him TO be able to, but if he can't-- well, trust me, his life will be okay without it.
I don't like to hear stuff like that, but you know, my kids NEED to tell me things like that. Stuff that made them scared. Stuff that happened and that I can say "Well, we would NEVER treat you like that. Nor would teachers HERE treat you that way, ever."
Because he is scared. He is not sure of going to high school. Unlike twin sister Chloe, he is not counting the days till school is back in. Nope. He is dreading the return of school. He thought he wouldn't have ESL help, he seemed to have this idea of 2 years in and he would be on his own. Uh, no. I reassured him he will always have ESL and as Paisley was sitting right there, her too. (She said "OH YEAH!")
Speaking of Paisley, she made me sad:( She is taking her turn at pouting right now. (Hey at least they take turns) I was working on her life book and was up to pictures right before she left China. At one point I noticed she had taken the pictures of her adoption and separated them into a different pile and I thought, that stinker.
But as I went to work on them further, that "pile" somehow disappeared. Yep, gone. And I knew she took them. So I asked. And she said "No" she didn't have them. I explained to her that I wanted those pictures, that she didn't just arrive here from China. That she came here with first family and we were very thankful to have her as our daughter because of them.
Still no pictures. She sat and pouted. Because I told her she was not going to a fun church youth outing planned if I did not get the pictures back. She said she didn't have them. So she sat and pouted. I stopped working on her book and worked on Phoebe's so she understood, I am not going forward on her book without those pictures.
She pouted some more. I asked again. Nope, no pictures. So I took her Ipod.
Told her I wanted the pictures. She sat and cried. She put her things away for the youth outing and went to bed. I asked her again and she said she didn't have them.
So today she is quiet. I will not ask her again. It serves no purpose. Because I looked around and I know for certain (I did when I first asked her) that I did not misplace them. I sat her down and told her that firstly, we still love her. But that she has made me sad and disappointed. And she will use her own money to have those pictures printed AGAIN.
They will be in her book as part of her story, where they belong. Or maybe later we'll add them in (See comments- thanks Ellen for helping me see another side to it-- this is all new waters for us and we are hoping and praying we are handling things right)
I have to add here, because Ellen's comment was deeply thought provoking to me. I do not believe either that God makes children suffer to bring a child to their forever family via disruption. No way-- He treasures the little ones too much to do such a thing. But yet disruptions happen. And I see a girl who is thriving, even with the bumps in the road in our "new" family.
So what is the answer? As we are the ones who accepted this child, I try not to judge first family. I don't feel it's my place. So I try to understand and advocate for the issues BEFORE adopting an older child- see the post when we announced Paisley coming if you don't believe me.
I do not expect Paisley to express her undying love of first family. But I do expect her to respect them. They did a wonderful thing, followed God's request to bring her here. Even if it didn't work out for them as a family, they followed God. I don't think they were wrong to do that- no way.
Showing her good things have come from her being adopted. It's tough for this teen treasure. S0 hurt. So lost sometimes. Lost as to how to handle her feelings in the right way. I'm sad for her today. I love her so much I want to see her heal and move forward and this was a step back.
We hope she will trust us to tell us the truth but even if she doesn't we will be here for her, covering her back. Loving her. Even when disappointed with a behavior we still love her deeply and she has been told that. We can do no less.
We are here for the long haul. 'Cause we are a family and that includes her:)