Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I'm bored

No (MOM) not me. It's those kids. 

It seems eating every thing in sight only took a week or so. Then playing with siblings got old, it's "too hot" to be outside, it's "too boring" to clean their rooms, it's "no fun" to do chores, and our POOR, poor children have NOTHING, I tell ya, NOTHING to play with or do.

I feel so ashamed (NOT) that I expect them to be able to handle moments of (GASP) quiet. Nothing. I like to use time like that to pray, and listen to God, because I have learned a great lesson over time- if you are never still or quiet, how ya gonna hear HIM?  

I didn't hear Him until I got that. To be still. Quiet. Let HIM in. And when He speaks to me, I wanna hear it. Even when it's not the answer, direction I thought, HE is never wrong. So I DO want to hear Him. (And my kids to know this JOY)

Our kiddos that came to us from orphanage care often have issue with the whole "nothing to do." They are so used to a set schedule of "get up, eat, go to school, etc, etc." That when they don't have that they can have a hard adjustment to "what to do" with themselves. And get themselves into Trouble (note that capital "T") if they can't work out what to do themselves.

Older treasures often can't go from being told what to do day after day to having NOTHING to do day after day. No schedule planned for them. So often they will hang around. Looking lost. Stating they are bored and expecting you to entertain them, keep them busy, give them that predictable schedule they are used to living by. Summer vacation from schooling really can throw them for a loop.

Someone recently suggested for newer adopted kiddos, a list. Of things they can do. I wish I had thought of that, but no, I don't get credit for that. But it's a good idea. Especially with a smaller family size. Because if teen treasure can't figure out what to do they will HANG on you looking for you to guide them. To entertain them. And can drive you nuts. They often can't think of anything to do themselves.

This is one huge break we bigger families get. They can always find someone to play with. And if one sibling makes you mad, go play with someone else:)  The ones who have been home longer will help guide the newbies to see what they do to keep busy. Because good ol' mom here, well, let's just say I love to assign bathroom cleaning when people tell me they don't have anything to do.

So I don't get much of "I'm bored" or for very long because they KNOW what to expect now. And if bathrooms are clean then I've got dishes, laundry hauling and sorting, floor sweeping, wiping out the fridge-- I never run out of things they can do:)

Now, this is NOT to be confused with another issue a teen treasure will sometimes do.Re-organizing any space in the house. Kitchen cupboards, the pantry, etc. I never had any issue with that until Chase. And I took immediate offense to it. Because although other people said "Wow, wish he'd come to my house to do that"-- it wasn't fun here. It was a way for him to make things how HE wanted them. Not how I preferred them. 

It wasn't about "helping" it was about CONTROLLING. And I put a halt to that fast. Drew my line. Fix up, change over, rearrange all you want of your-own-room, do not touch any other "spaces" without permission. No exceptions. He tried this 2-3 times till he saw, I really meant it. I did NOT want him changing anything. Even if HE thought his way to arrange it was BETTER, my way was the way it was going to be.

A boundary he needed. He now respects and abides by my rule. He will ASK if he can change something. Seems small but it's really not. It's teaching him to defer to an adult, a woman, a parent. Just part of my "job" in being his mom, because if he can't do that here, and say someday he gets a female boss, then what? He's gonna tell HER how and what to do? How's that gonna work for him? Yeah, not too well, me thinks.

So other than my kids knowing better than to say they are "bored" what are we up to this summer?  

Summer sniffles, going round the house. I think my issue is not being used to sleeping/living in full time air conditioning. Something we feel deeply thankful to have- but we are still adjusting to. 

I ordered over 400+ pictures for Paisley, I didn't tell her yet. They are for her life book, I can't wait to get working on it for her. I didn't show her the pics I ordered because they include first family and I didn't want her to misunderstand why I was ordering them.  I want her to see the pictures in person and how I will be using them to show her life story. She's the very first one of my teen treasures to have BABY pics.  And was she ever CUTE- yep, she was a baby so I can say that:)

I want to be sure to add her journey from China to first family then to here. It will honor her love of China, as well as honor her first family for bringing her to us.  I love to make the kids' scrapbooks that they can see all about THEM in basically a story book type theme.  Kids LOVE anything that is about THEM and it's so special to give them a way to see all about their lives in a positive way. 

Often times with a teen treasure it's hard for us to understand how they can "miss" living in an orphanage. But they DO. Even if they want a family, they leave their security, their friends -aka brothers and sisters, foods, their language, freedoms, even smells, they lose so much.  We have to understand it was their life. It didn't seem so bad to them because it was all they knew.  And many times they do not really understand fully what would/could have become of them if they had not been adopted. 

Just one more reason to understand we aren't rescuing them. They do not see us adopting them as that at ALL. We adopt them to add them to our family. To treasure them. They can be highly suspicious of us. WHY do we want them? Their society doesn't see them as worthy, why do we? And do we really? Are they as important as say- a bio child- or even another adopted child who has been home longer? It's tough at times getting them over that hump to see that you do care, that they are worthy, and our intentions pure LOVE. Just as God tells us to. 

I had the opportunity to help Paisley over that hump again the other day. Chance, this time, and he made her cry. She didn't want the rest of her very large piece of chicken she got for lunch. And when I told her she didn't have to finish it, but she wasn't getting other stuff, Chance thought he would be "Mr. Funny Guy" and tell her she had to eat it or she would "not get anything else to eat ever in her life." 

GRRRRRR.  He got in big trouble for that. She sobbed. And I told him (in front of her) "IF we did that to you when you had only been home a short time you would have been scared to death we meant it.  You can NOT pick at her and think she understands you are joking, that's just MEAN, because she didn't get that you WERE joking." And I told him I will not allow him to do things like that to her.  

He had the grace to look deeply ashamed that he made her cry and he apologized twice (mom didn't feel the first time sounded sincere enough).  I don't think it hurt her to have a good cry, probably more behind it than just the chicken, but at least she wasn't left to feel "hung out there" by bro and no one standing up for her.

I worked a long day yesterday and I was so tired, when I finally got home I sat down and realized something when she looked at me.  She always smiles, when I look at her. She makes ME smile. I love her smile. I love that she doesn't look at me with the blank look like the others did and still do sometimes and say "WHAT?" like something is wrong because I dared to LOOK at my children, she just SMILES.  

She's such a treasure. A true blessing. A gift from Him. Thanks, God.

We love her----she's our girl:)

Ps. Not sure why things are highlighted in this post. Not meant to be and not sure how to fix it, no secret meaning behind it (MOM)

1 comment:

Holly said...

You crack me up (Mom!) :) :)and I love all of your advice. Soaking it in!!!!!
Holly who is STILL not stalking you :)