Friday, June 8, 2012

Angry

Well, we had us one angry girl. She found out last night that her momma won't tolerate nonsense. And she tried to give me nonsense.


She had a friend call and ask if she could go to her house to spend the night. And she didn't ask but told friend to "Come get her."  Uhh, NO.  I don't think so. Not happenin'.


I called back and told the friend "No." Firstly she did not ask. Secondly it's wayyyy too soon. Thirdly, she did not ask.


She's avoided asking for things. She likes to come and say one word to me, or grunt. Ummm. I do not respond to that. She's been rude, in both languages to pretty much everyone. Not going to be tolerating that either.


So she lost her brand new Ipod.  She was warned she would lose-- TV, Skype, phone, going places, etc. IF her behavior doesn't change. She is not allowed to be rude. That she is being taught how to be part of this family, which is a wonderful and good thing, we very much wanted her.  


And she wanted to come to us. But that we are not an orphanage, we will not be learning how to be orphans, she will be learning how to be a part of this family.  Just as she should. We teach to help her, not to be mean, we will not ever be mean to her. But we will teach.


And she will learn. Because if not she will not have things, and she will be hurting herself. No one else. We'll walk this road with her because God called us to.  And it's a road we've walked before. 


Now don't think I signed up for the funny farm or anything but I am actually GLAD she did this. We knew she would have to push, they all do, to see what she could get away with and what would happen if she did do things not allowed.  It gave me the opportunity to give her guidelines that she needs to get asap. And since she was going to do this sooner or later I am thankful for the sooner so we deal with it and we get started with her understanding her place in this family.  


She is a cherished, wanted, loved, teen treasure. We want her to know our love as our daughter, that we've got her back, that we are here for her. Not to make things tough, but to make things work for her.To give her what she has not had. A family where her place is known.


Where she is secure, safe and can grow in our love. 


Today she pouted for a while, but then she snapped out of it. She was told "We want you to be happy but you must follow the rules here." 


We also role played when she realized some of her gum was missing how to come to me and tell me. That I don't read minds. Because she came up to me and just stood there. Didn't say anything. Later she told Chloe in Chinese what had happened.


 So the culprit (Kat-- who claimed to just "borrow" some) was made to pay for a whole new pack of gum to replace the "borrowed" gum.  And Paisley was shown that she is important, that she can come to me and tell me when something like that has happened, I will take care of it IF she tells me. 


Lessons learned. 


Chase is also making more effort:)  Chloe said Chase was "helping" Paisley today, not sure with WHAT- but I guess they were working on what behaviors are good and what ones AREN'T. 


 Gosh, I love knowing that the hard road our son has walked since being adopted may just be able to turn into something good if he can help another child make it.  (Don't worry MOM-- he has been forewarned he will not sabotage Paisley's start here- no negative stuff allowed in English or Chinese about this family)


God always has His reasons. We have no doubt He meant for us to have Paisley in our lives.  Even through the rough, we are thankful because often the biggest reward in life is a lot of work--- our children being 100% worth it ALL.

4 comments:

Patty said...

Oh Vickie! Well, yes it's better that this is sooner rather than later. And thanks for being so honest, it always makes me feel better to know we aren't the only ones dealing with that sort of stuff! I feel like such a mean mom sometimes but you expressed so well exactly why we are doing what we are doing. And sometimes that looks "mean", but it is right!

Lori said...

SO thankful for your transparency! It helps a ton to get an insight as to how you deal with these very REAL issues.

Very grateful for you, friend!

The Kings said...

I agree that it helps to have these "learning opportunities" right away.

you handled it well and I am sure it will have great value!

Thanks for sharing!

willowjade said...

Thanks for your honesty in your posts!!! It sure does help to read alot of these things that we are also dealing with right now!! I don't feel so alone, or so "mean" (although I do joke with my kids that mom and mean start with m for a reason! ;-)