Saturday, April 21, 2012

Family

Family.  Can I just tell ya? 


Family drives me nuts. Bonkers, nutso, crazy.


We have a very large extended family.  My uncle was turning 70 and we went to a buffet today to celebrate with a surprise party for him.  


Chase very sweetly was concerned if we surprised him and he was that old, he wouldn't have a heart attack would he?  We assured him not.


So we arrive and the kids acted like they were going to starve. Kat was reduced to tears and whining, all over being hungry. Seriously, the girl had 2 bites of food and was telling jokes.  Gonna call her Jekyll and Hyde pretty soon. 


But back to family-- it's very hard when family chooses to not be supportive of our family. And I'm not talking money. I'm talking caring.  About our children.  


It's just really, really hurtful when we get more joy and congrats over our new house than we have bringing home our treasures, our children.  I'm NOT kidding.  We have been told we *should* have a house warming party, yet not one person suggests a "welcome home" party for ANY of our adoptions.


And we aren't looking for gifts, it's not about that at all.  It's about welcoming our additions, letting them see the extended family they have gained. But then you wonder if you want them around your family at all because some of worst comments come from family as well-- 


How many of these are yours?    (UH, they aren't stray puppies!)


Ohh, I could never do that?  (What- accept a blessing?  Enjoy a child?)


How many times you gonna do this?  (What? Pick my nose, get tattoos?-- oh ADOPT?- Well, we plan to quit at 12 but only God really knows)

I mean, what is WRONG with people??  And I have to admit to being related to these people?? Really?  


I've come to understand one thing about our big family.  Many people can't begin to imagine having 12 kids. Or even 6.  So they project that on to US.  Oh, how could we possibly want to bring home #12?  How can we possibly take care of, feed, have time for, love, clothe, haul around, such a large family?


Because they can't imagine doing it.  And for their information--- here's my reality---


I can't imagine NOT having 5-6 even 7 kids at home at all times.


I don't know how to cook "small" meals.  Can't do it. It's a big pot of something or buying the value pack of meat that other people can use for 3 meals to cover us for 1 meal.  I don't know any other way of shopping.


I can't stand leftovers and am thrilled I never have to eat them because we rarely ever have them:)


Laundry is a daily chore.  I feel like I "miss" something if I don't do a few loads. It's not that big a deal, our kids sort and put away their own stuff. 


We take turns on dishes, and work together on household chores. Trust me 6 sets of hands cleaning can work much faster than 1.  


I always have shopped clearance and off season, why should we ever pay full price if we don't have to? I have picking clothes and even shoes down to a science for "next school year".  And Chase, hands down to Chance who hands down to Camden, Chloe down to Kat/ Phoebe.


We feel God has blessed us with the children we have, no matter where they come from, and He provides for us in every way we need. Our children's needs are met. They are better off in a family that loves them than in an orphanage or on the streets fending for themselves even if we can't afford to take them to Disneyworld.


We don't look at adopting as anything more than doing what God tells us to do, we don't think we are special or that we have rescued anyone. We have added to our family, children God meant for us to parent.  We've been amazingly blessed to know this through adopting Chloe and learning of her brothers and adopting THEM only by God paving the way.


It makes me sad that adoptive families "get" us and blood related people do not:(


It's a shame.  I'm saddened that family can't get what adoption is about, what it means, that they miss out.


 At least today, I got to see my cuz, one I love. Haven't seen her in years, and honestly I loved her so much as a child, I envied her almond eyes, her ebony hair-- yep, an Asian adopted beauty, she is:) I got to tell her today that I loved her so much when we were kids I wanted to adopt and have Asian children in my family. And did I ever:))  She laughed and said I must have a very big heart and I told her I did because of so much love I have for my 12:)


And our kids were asking- so we are Korean TOO?  By association, you see, because our children have NO issues accepting the differences of my extended family and taking whatever cultural differences we have as their own, they think it's COOL.


Isn't that something? Maybe some people should take some lessons from them, huh? 

8 comments:

Dawn said...

AMEN, SISTER!

Sandy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sandy said...

(corrected version): Kuddos for having the guts to publicly say what I wish I could say. I have refrained from saying these things on my own blog about extended family and local friends, because they read the blog (at least some of them). You're right, it's not about gifts or stuff. It's about recognizing someONE special has happened to our family. I received 1(!) congratulations card for our adoption. My husband's co-workers threw a mini-welcome party at his office and gave our daughter a cake and stack of gift cards. Nothing like that from our families, or my friends. It hurt and I don't know how to tell them.

mdkyzar said...

Well I think your family is amazing! At the same time I agree with the I could never do that and can't imagine it myself concepts. But that doesn't diminish you or your family in any way nor does my thinking that it isn't for me mean that I think it's wrong for someone else. I wasn't there, but perhaps that was what was meant and they don't realize how it sounds to you? Just a thought!

mom2three said...

Thank you. We have been looking at the possibility of adopting one more, (we have 2) and the naysayers have been making me question whether it was crazy to even consider another child (especially a 10 year old boy. Horrors!) I had been praying about it and figured I had my answer. But maybe it wasn't God's answer. I am challenged to pray more dillegently for His will and not the naysayers.

Julie said...

Ahhh, Vickie, I know how you feel. A year after adopting Malani I still get a hard time and attitude from my only brother. My husband never told anyone at his work that he adopted a second time because they all gave him a REALLY hard time and said some awful things to him about it. My brother refuses to believe that anyone my age would want to do what we did.

MommaT said...

Double Amen!

Patty said...

I'm just catching up on your blog Vickie. I am right there with you on this. Actually, we lost the majority of my side of the family when we did our first older child adoption. It was horrible and ugly but I'm thankful there wasn't any playing around---they just came right out and said they thought we were horrible, disguisting people for bringing "those kind of kids" into the family. We are better off without them. It is all so ridiculous and I'm sorry you deal with it too!!