Friday, February 3, 2012

Birth mother

I overheard Chance say he was upset that his mom "made him stupid."  I said to him "I didn't make you stupid, 'cause you aren't stupid."

And he said " Okay, not you then, birth mom."  So I said to him- "Chance, I don't want to ever hear you say bad things about your birth mom again."  And I told him why-- Your birth mom did all she could do for you. She didn't have you to not be able to care for you.  Her heart must have been so hurt when she wasn't able to.  

And being a birth mother myself I am 100% sure that his momma wanted him, Chloe and Chase, to be cared for, loved, and in a family together.  Even if that meant it wasn't in  HER family. So I'm fairly certain a prayer or 2 went to Heaven on behalf of these 3 precious children, even if their mother didn't know God, I can just hear her plea.  Because I know a mother's heart and how she would have been hurting over these children, her inability to care for them, she would have begged anyone, anything to give her children safety, a future.

So I explained to him that without her I wouldn't have him as my son.  And I wanted her to be honored and respected as the mother who gave him life. 

He apologized to me and promised he would never say "bad things" about his birth mom again.  And I told him that he wasn't "Made stupid" he was wonderfully and perfectly made by God and because he learns differently than his siblings does not make him stupid at ALL.

Chloe does not speak of their birth mother at all, in fact, she decided some time ago that I was her birth mom, at least, that's what she wanted to be true so she decided it so.  And she tells people that.  I'm sure they wonder what she is talking about especially when they see her blue eyed, white and gray haired American father:)  It's really not disrespectful to her birth mom, it's more of a show of how bonded she is to me, that she sees me as her "only mom".  She wasn't able to have a normal relationship with any woman she could call "Mother" till me.

Chase rarely speaks of birth mother as well, but he did pay close attention when I was speaking to Chance.  I think he feels more honor bound to respect their birth mother and I could see he was happy with my request of Chance that he respect birth mom for doing what she could for them, for giving them life. ( Mom, Chase is concentrating in this picture and that's HIS hand  propping his chin--not mine at his throat, just sayin' so you don't call me to ask)

It's all part of the healing of the past, addressing the pain but also making sure they understand that we all are human and we aren't perfect.  We may have things happen that we can't control.  I told them if something happened to me I would want all of my children to have a family, a mom who loved them.  And that God makes us mommas with big, wonderful hearts that can take a child from anywhere and love them as our own.  It's a gift God gives us.  Just a the gift they are to me.

Chloe has been working on a school fundraiser.  She has hijacked my address book and is filling out forms to send to everyone I know asking them to buy magazines, to support their school.  What does she get?  Some silly little ducks that she MUST have.  Must. In the meantime, hide your addresses people, she's on a roll.

She asked me "What's a P.O box?  People live in a box? How? So I explained a post office box.  That no one is living in it.  It's always interesting, teaching these teens:)  They make me laugh often.

Something I didn't laugh about- Chase left the doggy doodle out and didn't bother to go after him or call him or even tell anyone the bugger doggy didn't come back.  I realized after a bit that he was no where to be found and thankfully he came when I  opened the door and called him in.   Not that the ornery dog was sad to be left out, he likes to take off so I guess he is glad we now live in the country for him to go run around.

Good news on the adoption front, we got an appointment for fingerprinting.  And it's SOON. I was shocked how soon.  We've never been given an appointment with so little notice.  I'm thrilled since we have always gotten our approval shortly after being finger printed, so  the sooner the better. As well as getting our stuff moving along.  Prayers must be working for things to go quicker for us, so thank you for that:)  We are terribly eager to get this girl home!

Another treasure, just waiting on paperwork to be done.  It's so hard that it comes down to waiting on others to get paperwork done to get permission to go for her.  And I can honestly say, it doesn't get easier with the more you bring home, if anything it's worse!  You know each step gets you forward but it's only to wait AGAIN- very tough.  But it's part of the process, she is totally worth it, and that's what matters in the end.  Our girl, getting her here.  

For that we will wait as long as we have to, for our commitment to her is already in our hearts:)

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