I'm in a pickle. Not literally. But that's what I say when I am just baffled about something. In a pickle.
I need to find a way to forgive 2 people, one family, one friend, for some really, really hurtful things they have done to me in the past week. REALLY hurtful.
So hard to not curl up and cry, to want to strike back. Trying to find a way to that wonderful forgiveness God has for me, when I screw up big time and hurt Him.
And I do. And I am not as important as He. And He always forgives ME. I have to admit, I'm struggling with the pain. I don't understand the motivation behind the actions, were they just random, or really meant to be so hurtful, and does it matter?
I get the whole "turn the other cheek" thing, and with the first person I did that- and got the other "cheek" slapped even harder. The only ones I have left are my hiney ones, and that would essentially mean (maybe only to me) that I am turning my back on people.
Sorry, I'm not going to share what happened. It's personal, and although I am a very open person, it would be hurtful to them and I am not a revengeful person. At least not normally. My thoughts did wander there at first till God pulled me back- pheww. And really does it matter?
Nahh, 'cause we have all had these things happen. And sometimes you wonder how you will go on with that person in your life. And sometimes you can't. I've lost family and friends, becoming a Christian, they don't "get" me anymore. My commitment. My ability to go to God and understand He wants me to grow in Him and if someone hinders that then I can minimize my contact with them and still be respectful.
Still follow His word. I can still love them, pray for them, forgive them, I just don't have to subject myself to them. It took me many years to realize this, and it was such a growing point for me in my life. To even write this and share it is something I would not have been able to do in past years.
Admitting to keep a malicious, even a "friendly" malicious person out of my life? Whoaa, that's big. Because I was taught growing up to put on a "front" to make everything look rosy. But that's not real life. People hurt you, or are bad news for our family. So then what? And what if they are a family member?
We can, and I do, graceful bar that person from our lives as much as possible. We can't grow when someone constantly pulls us back into their negative world. It is the devil's work-- to try and make us feel guilt about not having that person in your life as much as you did. But you can do this and still find forgiveness and go on. Maybe differently with said person, but go on.
Forgiveness. It's what we have to do. It's big. It may take time. But I will get there. I must.
Here's another thing I must bear. I'll share this- the mudder has not shown up yet. A week. Nothing. No work. Sitting on my porch feeling like I will be too old to climb the steps and have all the kids grown and not need all those bedrooms by the time we move in. Okay, so I'm being a *wee bit* dramatic. But really- it's terrible to have a porch that *looks* like we live there, but then you go in and it's like an empty tomb.
It echoes. It has no furniture. No mud. No life. Nada. Nothing. Zip. Just WALLS. We do have those. Thankful we have those. But would love to be thankful for the mudder.
So let's move on to the kiddos. They are counting down the days. Till------ you got it SCHOOL!! 10 little days left. Where did this summer go?
Who wants to go to school? Chloe, Camden, Kat. Who doesn't? Donovan, Chase and Chance:) An even mix. Typical in my world. They ARE ready, that is they will be dressed, maybe not in the latest of fashion, but we aren't big on that either. I did order them backpacks this year, they go through the cheap ones way too fast, it's not paying me to buy them over and over.
Now if I could just get shoes with a guarantee I'd be thrilled, wear 'em out they replace them? Okay so let me have my dreams, will ya?
I think since big sis Mal gave the twins tie dye stuff for their birthday and everything we own is now tie dyed, that will be our fashion statement of the year. Even DAD is wearing tie dye:)
Chloe and Chance LOVE tie dye, not sure if it's so much about the actual shirts, or if it's just the fun of making them:)
Chase was extremely concerned he did not get a schedule in the mail like everyone else. I called the school and made sure he will get a schedule on the first day of school and he knows what homeroom to go to. So he was happy with that.
Camden as well is happy, we arranged for him to go to his "old" elementary school for his last year there, 5th grade. Next year is middle school where the 2 schools merge all the students to. He did not wish to switch schools so we worked it out for him. I thought it would be easier for him to just go to the new school with Kat, but no, couldn't convince him. Can't tell he's a red head or anything.
Chloe is excited and trying on outfits daily to have THE ONE for the first day.
Kat has her outfit picked out and is eager to go to her new school. I don't doubt for a minute she will be fine in a new school, she loves everyone:)
We have Open House next week, here's the issue we will run into all year- both Elementary schools are having Open House on the same night. So we go into "big family mode" and dad will take Camden, I will take Kat and no one will miss their Open House.
Aren't we smart? Now if I just knew how to mud dry wall.........