No, I'm not physically injured. Not where you can see it anyway.
We needed to go for home stuff and were trying to decide who could go where so we had room in the van for the stuff. The kids overheard and had opinions as to who they would be left with. And it happened.
Chase told Camden to tell me who they wanted to stay with because "He my real son." And I heard it. And I said "What does that mean?" And yes, he meant it just as it sounded, he said "Camden will get his way, he's your real son, I not your real son."
Well, just stab me in the heart, why don't ya. (Okay mom, so I am being a bit dramatic, but it HURT)
He knew by the look on my face he hurt me. And he was like a deer in the headlights. He really didn't know what to do. So I just didn't respond and when dad came in from his walk, I asked him to talk to Chase, telling him what happened in front of Chase and adding on, that if I EVER said to HIM that I wasn't his real MOM he would NEVER forgive me- and I went to bed.
The next morning he came to me. He said "Sorry." I asked him " You like to hurt me?" And he said "yes." But then he has straightened up. He's been polite. He's been kind.
My son. Might not have the same DNA but no less mine. I love him no less. He cuts me deep some days. I retreat, but I will never give up. I know he has been hurt, I know he can not trust completely yet.
Some days I wonder will he ever get it? Does he understand that he will not deter me. I am a tough cookie. I can take his snot. I can take his hits. And I will still be right here. Being his MOM. If he wants it or not.
In other news, the house is coming along. It's fun to see the progress happening. We picked up an 80 gallon water tank, didn't expect to need that, but when you have a mega family that littl' ol' 40 gallon just doesn't cut it. We got floor tile. We got lights, vanities and new mower since we killed the old one.
#2 son turned 25 yesterday, he came out to the new house and we showed him around, then we had a nice cookout supper with him. Nothing too exciting but that's how it is when you get older and are supposed to be settling down and giving your parents hopes of grandchildren someday:)
Jay is the same DNA son and he was one of the olders that was kind enough to prepare this momma for the new boys, he was one tough bugger to raise as a teen and I often wondered WHY I had to go there with him while we were going through his rough ride of teenage years.
And now here we are, able to handle the new tough guy with patience and love. God may not show someone His reasons for many years, but He knows.
He prepared my heart for these children, all of them. No matter where they came from- and He keeps me going when they hurt us.
Precious, so very precious, each of my children are, and just as God will never give up on me, I will never give up on reaching my SON:)