Monday, June 27, 2011

Cut me and I bleed

No, I'm not physically injured. Not where you can see it anyway.

We needed to go for home stuff and were trying to decide who could go where so we had room in the van for the stuff. The kids overheard and had opinions as to who they would be left with. And it happened.

Chase told Camden to tell me who they wanted to stay with because "He my real son." And I heard it. And I said "What does that mean?" And yes, he meant it just as it sounded, he said "Camden will get his way, he's your real son, I not your real son."

Well, just stab me in the heart, why don't ya. (Okay mom, so I am being a bit dramatic, but it HURT)

He knew by the look on my face he hurt me. And he was like a deer in the headlights. He really didn't know what to do. So I just didn't respond and when dad came in from his walk, I asked him to talk to Chase, telling him what happened in front of Chase and adding on, that if I EVER said to HIM that I wasn't his real MOM he would NEVER forgive me- and I went to bed.

The next morning he came to me. He said "Sorry." I asked him " You like to hurt me?" And he said "yes." But then he has straightened up. He's been polite. He's been kind.

My son. Might not have the same DNA but no less mine. I love him no less. He cuts me deep some days. I retreat, but I will never give up. I know he has been hurt, I know he can not trust completely yet.

Some days I wonder will he ever get it? Does he understand that he will not deter me. I am a tough cookie. I can take his snot. I can take his hits. And I will still be right here. Being his MOM. If he wants it or not.

In other news, the house is coming along. It's fun to see the progress happening. We picked up an 80 gallon water tank, didn't expect to need that, but when you have a mega family that littl' ol' 40 gallon just doesn't cut it. We got floor tile. We got lights, vanities and new mower since we killed the old one.

#2 son turned 25 yesterday, he came out to the new house and we showed him around, then we had a nice cookout supper with him. Nothing too exciting but that's how it is when you get older and are supposed to be settling down and giving your parents hopes of grandchildren someday:)

Jay is the same DNA son and he was one of the olders that was kind enough to prepare this momma for the new boys, he was one tough bugger to raise as a teen and I often wondered WHY I had to go there with him while we were going through his rough ride of teenage years.

And now here we are, able to handle the new tough guy with patience and love. God may not show someone His reasons for many years, but He knows.

He prepared my heart for these children, all of them. No matter where they came from- and He keeps me going when they hurt us.

Precious, so very precious, each of my children are, and just as God will never give up on me, I will never give up on reaching my SON:)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Twin Squirrels?

As the twin pickers could not keep themselves from messing with their poison, we ended up on a fast trip to the doctor yesterday morn. Chance's face was so swollen, his eye was nearly closed, his face was unrecognizable. Bad. Chloe wasn't far behind him either.

After hauling them off to the doctor, they are both now on Prednisone, or "pregnant" as Chloe called it till I told her "let's just say you are taking PILLS for the poison." Okay then.

Chase is driving me nuts. Bonkers. Crazy, looney tunes. He is B-O-R-E-D and wants things to do. I send him to the house- the kids now call the trailer the "T- home" as in temp home, they want to call the house HOME. So he goes up and does any work the worker dudes will let him.

The home project progress is strong. Porch is built. Garage is half done. We have water. 550 feet to get it. Concrete coming tomorrow for the garage and porch.

Chloe room is the only one I was allowed to paint and I am done with it. It looks super cool too, it is pink and white walls with chalkboard black, pink, hot pink and white circles all around the middle of the walls like a big wave of circles. Her floor is not in yet or I think she would be sleeping in the room anyway! She loves it. We will accessorize then with polka dot stuff. FUN:)

Kat and Phoebe's room has gotten a primer coat, but needs the closet dry wall so that will keep my painting bug at bay till that is done. I'm having trouble sleeping from the ideas and thoughts about what will go where, how it will all look, running through my head:) Good reasons to not be able to sleep.

So far the budget seems to be okay. Nothing too terrible has cropped up besides the "150 feet or so for water" ended up being 550 feet. But it is what it is.

My biggest joy is that our contractor is AMAZING- he is a wonderful Christian man from our church and he is very good at organizing, doing the work, nothing is getting scrimped on, we will have no worries if things are done right or will it look good.

We can't feel safer with his work, a real blessing to us when this is was such a huge project to undertake. It's going to be really something when it's done and no, the million dollar question of WHEN is not known as of yet. I can say they aren't wasting time, and we will be in as soon as humanly possible.

But for now we are off to the T- home for suppertime as our day winds down, another day of work complete:)

Monday, June 20, 2011


You know, I have to tell you. I love you gals and guys. You leave me comments that put me in tears. You show us the support and love of the orphans that God calls us to. It's really something. When I get that look, you know (or I hope you don't) that means "What?? adopting again? You're doing a major home remodel, living in a 2 bedroom trailer with 6 kids? You have how many kids now? Are you nuts?"

When all I want to hear is "Ohh, how special a blessing you are being given!" I mean, we are so blessed and provided for, in ALL ways. Even with the hardship of remodeling, it's not that bad. It will be done long before she comes. And it's only once, then it's DONE.

And to hear the call from God again and not back down because-- how COULD we? After all He has shown us in love for us and our children? We KNOW Phoebe Hope is meant to be. And she waits. As an orphaned child while we have room and time and love and more to give her? Nope, not gonna turn that down. I'm gonna thank God for her and work like the dickens to get her home. And when I feel sad if it takes too long I read your comments filled with love for our Phoebe and I am boosted up with the love:)

In other news, Father's day was lovely for our wonderful Baba. He is such a good daddy, I am so thankful to have him to parent our children. It's tough when you have no one to buy a card for, to call, but I thanked my Heavenly Father for being there for me, and giving me the amazingly patience man who parents our children so well.

I didn't feel so well on Daddy's day, I missed him cooking on his new grill- his big gift. I slept through because we tackled the yard last week and although I know I am highly allergic to poison I didn't see any. So I helped. WELL. I ended up covered in it and unable to fight it, so on steroids I went. And they weren't strong enough to cut it, I am now on a HIGHER dose to get it gone.

Chloe and Chance also broke out and I (how could I?) forgot what "pickers" they are, at every little thing on their skin, and they have it spread all over them. Chloe heard me say I had to get prednisone for my allergy to poison and asked if she could have "pregnant too?" OIY. Then she was telling everyone I was pregnant. That girl!

I also learned Chase will repeat everything I say, I told the kids not to trash up the trailer as we are blessed to have been allowed to stay there and we need to take care of it while we are in it. It's not fancy, but it's still home. I said (yes, I did it) we don't trash the trailer, live like trailer trash." Well......... Chase got the biggest kick out of that and called us trailer trash all day. Another OIY.

Now, mind you, I LIKE trailers. Compact. Everything you need, I know everything the kids are doing. I've lived in them many times, so I have nothing against trailer living. A home is a home. So for him to run around saying "trailer trash" and laughing like a nut, is not good. Shame on me.

Gotta share what Kitty said to dad when he got terribly sun burnt mowing. She took one look at his lovely pink color all over and said "ohh Daddy, you are pink-a- licious." Oh righty then. I never thought of THAT to use when describing daddy but there you have it.

Camden, Chance and Chloe went to career camp all week last week, a way to keep them busy for another week:) They made tools boxes, came home with painted nails, made plant hooks, went to the creamery, they enjoyed it and it gave the construction dudes only 3 kiddos to deal with all day:)

Donovan has had a blast helping do the electric. He is in Vo Tech for electrical, so this is his cup of tea. He also helped run the cable, and has informed me of everything that was wired incorrectly even when I just wanted it fixed right, I don't really need to know HOW to do it myself. (Not my cup of tea) He's also very good at kicking down walls, Miss Kitty tried and didn't even make a DENT in the wall. But she tried.

Miss Kitty was with me all week at the house and helped in any way she could, the workers all love her. She will go and stand and watch what they are doing, she stays out of the way and just watches, doesn't pester people. They have given her all the change they find in the house, she's up to about $1.00 now:) One of the guys brought their dog too, Kat just loves Jessie and plays throwing ball with her.

Also last week the teens participated in a senior project for their friend, a 30 hr famine, they raised over $1,000 total and saved over 3o0 children from dying of starvation. They slept at the church in the parking lot and I am sure it brought up some memories for our kids, sometimes it hurts me to think they are the only ones in our youth that really understand what it is to go hungry, to sleep in the streets. But it is what it is. A part of them and their history. They took the 30 hrs with grit and they amaze me with their strength.

All of our children are such treasures, they bring so much more to US than we give them. Gifts, from God. They really are.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Cat's out of the bag

Yes, we are adopting again. We have PA for our little girl, Phoebe Hope.

She is 7, same as Kat. And she's gorgeous. As all our girls are:)

Now for the negative family members, and yes, I am pointing out that you are indeed, our own family-- please be advised that these are appropriate responses when speaking to us-

Congratulations. How nice. What a blessing she will be. How lovely. I'm happy for you all. I'm sure you can even read comments left on this post to see some great responses, right folks?

And if those things just can't seem to find their way to your lips, then there is always the option of saying NOTHING and keeping your issues out of our JOY.

Because she is, in fact, a joy, a blessing, a gift from God to us. ALL of us.

God has already shown us our daughter, given us the funding to begin the journey to her. We know she is meant to be one of our many crew, and we are honored to be chosen to parent her.

To answer other sure-to-be questions-

The kids are quite happy.

Yes, we have room in the new house for her. Kat and her will share a room and Kat is thrilled she will have a sister her age. She told me out of the blue yesterday "I will love Phoebe and be a great sister to her. I'll hold her hand so she doesn't trip to get on the bus."

We will be able to reuse the boys' dossier paperwork for those adoption savvy people, saving us $$ and time. Our LOI (Letter of Intent) went in before the boys 1 year anniversary date of adoption.

We don't know when we will travel yet, too early to guess with reusing the paperwork being new to us. Not sure who will travel either, me for sure, dad no.

We had our HS update done last night and it went very well. We are well prepared for this new precious gift of a daughter to love.

Will she be the last. YES. She will. 12, a dozen, nice round number. Done- on to focusing on raising the ones we have. It's tough to love one you can't touch, you can't see, you don't know if she is sick, or happy, or sad, or loved for months and months till we go get her.

We were surprised about this last one, but feel no less blessed to be chosen for her:)

As for making you wait, well, these hardworking construction dudes, they didn't realize we had the Internet/phone service connected and when they started working on Monday a line was in the way so one them snipped it. OIY. Just happened to be that cable! Of course it was. (Not lying MOM)

The work on the house has gone amazingly fast, the lower level is framed. The well was drilled yesterday. The electric guys are here now, the heat guys came and went. The plumber is due soon and more materials are on the way. The footer is poured for the garage. The dry wall that had to come down is down, walls out that needed out gone, the flooring is all out of the upstairs. I can't believe how much as been done in 3 days!

It might have something to do with me threatening to send these kids home with workers if they don't get our house done soon enough? I do know I went to buy paint and the woman overheard me talking on the phone to the contractor and told me her hubby was working here. I asked if he told her what a mess the house was- nope, he told her we had a TON of kids:)

12 to be exact. 10 here, 1 in heaven, and now #12, our lovely Phoebe Hope.

Can't wait to love on her!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Castle

Okay, here's the house. Before we mowed and after, although we weren't completely done mowing but it looked so much better.

So far no major injuries, if you don't count Chase putting his hand on the mower muffler for some odd reason. It would be so nice if he would ASK if he doesn't know something, like how to fill it will gas, instead of insisting he can do it himself and ending up with blisters from touching the hot muffler-OIY.

Chloe asked me to "pinch her" to see if we really did get the house. I declined, believe it or not. But, yeah, it's no dream. We got lumber ordered and delivered, we have internet and phone- the workers are to be here Monday morn, bright and early.

And although we aren't living here yet, we got take out Chinese and treated our friends who helped try to cut down the 4-6 feet weeds and grass and had our first supper on our porch last night.

It's gonna be amazing when it's all done, but now I have to be patient waiting for it to GET there. I guess I want to share my lesson in patience 'cause I still am not ready to share the big news. Sorry (mom) I know I am HORRIBLE.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

No internet access stinks. It should be back up tomorrow, we hope. For now I leave you with the news, we got our house. Ours sold, new one bought. Ours. (And the bank's)

All is well. Last day of school was today and we P-A-R-T-A-Y
tonight. If you hear a yell, just ignore it. It's us wild and crazy folks enjoying what God has blessed us with.

Sorry to do this, but big news coming--- just gonna leave ya hanging though- even YOU---Mom:)

Sunday, June 5, 2011

New digs

I know you are all dying to see what the new house looks like. And I can't show you till the ink is dry on the papers saying we bought it. So I thought I would give you a glimpse of what it SHOULD look like, less my inexperience at drawing house plans. (MOM- really, stop laughing already)

Hey, remember, I'm a nurse, not a contractor. It does have shutters, they are hard to see, and the thing in the front is a lower level that is parking now but we are filling with concrete for a basketball hoop area for the kids.

It's just the front view, with stone on the bottom, the garage added to the side, the porch redone, the door painted blue, yep, changed that because there is blue tones in the stone. The walkways we will do once the work is all done, but it gives you the basic idea of our dream. It is FAR from looking like this now:(

But we do not, in any way, forget the blessing God is giving us in providing the way for this dream to be our future. And for many reasons, this home is the one. It is where we are meant to be. Of that we have no doubt, no matter how it looks now. We are so thankful God has granted us these provisions for our family, a larger home, 2 bathrooms, 5 bedrooms, and most importantly an acre of ground for the kids to safely play.

Speaking of playing kids, the teens are back from their weekend away. I was eating lunch out with Miss Kitty alone, just me and her, after church today. And there they came. Arrived early and my dear friend knew I was taking Kat out for lunch so she brought them to me.

She wasn't sure if I wanted them to EAT- poor things, she made them wait in her van while she came in to tell me she had them, and I told her "send them on in!" I kinda figured they would be missing their favorite foods, since they don't like hot dogs, spaghetti, things made for a group of kids normally to eat. Chance got a plate piled higher than I thought could fit on one plate and went back up! Luckily it was buffet, eat as much as you want, and they took that to heart.

They didn't enjoy themselves this weekend:( They were bickering, between shoveling food in and Chase went to move away from Chance, whom he was fighting with. I told him to sit down, no one cared he was fighting with Chance. He said "oh, you no care?" I said "nope, I just eat my food and ignore you." So he sat back down. I could see they were just tired and grouchy from their "bored" weekend. As Chase put it.

Kat and Camden must have thought we would miss the noise and chaos of the teens, they spent yesterday picking at one another. They are actually calmer and behaving better today with all of them here? Guess they weren't meant to be kids of a small family?

Friday, June 3, 2011


Ohh, are we having fun here? We have no table to eat at. Our van seats are the living room furniture:) Beds are down and space on the floor staked out. I am finalizing everything today and just went and rented storage unit #2. That makes a garage and 2 large storage units for all our stuff. And a dumpster of junk going.

The garbage dude looked at our pile and declared it too large for him to take. So we ended up with a roll off container we filled and will be picked back up. So we aren't stuck with our junk.

Our suitcases are packed and everyone notified we are moving. Just 6 days till closing on both places. I will be so glad when it is all done and the workmen are working away at our new home.

The kids are in their final days of school, Donovan begged me to let him come home early, I take offense to that, since as a high schooler only the seniors were allowed to go home after finals not the whole school. Now it's all of them. Wanting to come home to say "What's for lunch." I'm not amused.

Miss Kat brought me a paper with field trip #7 plans, I wonder if they are doing anything IN school? I'd say I will be glad when they are done but then they will be bugging me to go swimming, eat, eat, swim, eat.

The girl got swimsuits and Kat was so tickled her 2T, yeah 2 TODDLER swimsuit is too small this year. So she moved up to a 4. Chloe, on the other hand, needed a 7/8 bottom and 10/12 top so I ended up buying 2 suits to get one for her. Luckily a friend can use the 10/12 bottoms so we only end up with the 7/8 top as an "extra". I had a hard time finding her a suit that wasn't a silly fairy or cartoon print because she needed such a small size.

Kat's was the opposite. Excuse me, but my 7 year old looking like a beach babe, I think NOT. I found modest tops that are cover their whole fronts, with decent bottoms. But really, some of the suits I saw in size 4 were wayyyy too skimpy.

I figured out Chloe packed all of Kat's summer clothes when I could not find anything for Kat to wear for the hot weather. It's in storage somewhere. I went and got her a few pairs of shorts and tops, I knew she didn't have many shorts anyway, but I have a feeling we aren't done having to get something that got packed and we NEED it. OIY.

I can't complain though, I tell you, the work ethics of these teens is amazing. Chase has worked so hard to help get moved. He asks as soon as he comes in the door, what can he do.

The teens are all leaving today for a weekend with the church group. Chase wanted to stay home to help but we insisted he go. I know he will enjoy the time off and he needs it. We will have plenty to do when he is back.

We are doing many of the "last time for this" here and feeling a little sad. Happy that we are getting more space, more room, a wonderful new beginning, but also sad to leave a home that has been a huge blessing to us for many years. The place we brought all our children home to. Home.

Now we will call a new place home. And as cheesy as it sounds, as long as we have each other all will be good. God has blessed us greatly. We are very thankful.

In answer to the Brandon/Chance looking alike? They do somewhat. I think when you get over the fact they are Chinese and just see them as "our kids" it's funny how you notice that Kat and Cam have the same shape of face, how all my kids have birthmarks, like me, the similarities of us. Even without the blood tie. It just is:)