Monday, May 16, 2011

Hair Drama

Another last in our house. I gave the boys haircuts for the last time:( Cam's was downright shaggy. As usual. Chance needed a trim, although he kept the front so he can make that "J*mmy Neutron" look, as I call-- it's a cute little horn looking thing he does in the front. It's his twist on a mohawk that "mother" won't let him have.

So Cam's looking less shaggy and Chance was happy and thanked me so who does that leave?

Yeah, the Drama King. Someone who didn't have a mirror in the orphanage and when he discovered them here fell in LOVE with- himself. He is the main reason we need a house with 2 bathrooms and I even tried to convince dad to let the contractor put in a sink and mirror in DK's bedroom, sparing all the rest of our bladders permanent damage. ( Dad shot me down on that one)

Now I am considering banning all mirrors in the new house. (Not really MOM-- don't call me) Oh, to just brush your teeth and go. Those were the days. Now we must check face, check hair, check face, wash face with massive amounts of water that is left puddled all over the sink. Check face again. And again. Then hair AGAIN. We get NO WHERE fast.

So when he decided he hated his haircut, as he always does, no matter WHO cuts it, and dad pointed out he ALWAYS does this over his HAIR- Chase got mad. Angry. Snotty. Yelled at me. Had to go to his room. Went to bed, at 6:30 pm. Then he yelled at Cam and Kitty for playing and making noise, uhh, so what. I told him he could not yell at them when he was choosing to go to bed at 6:30 pm which wasn't normal.

He yelled he "was normal" OIY. Gotta love 'em. 'Cause he escalated to "I'd rather be back in Ch*na." WELL........ I guess he thought that was something I never heard before? (Does he not know his sister Chloe very well??) Matter of fact, I recall her saying the EXACT same thing over something as lame as him saying it over his hair.

All part of the fairy tale life they had, or so they say, at the orphanage. Too bad he can't quite pull that off with having sibs who will tell the truth about their life there in a heartbeat. And a sister who went back and as tough as that was for her to travel for the boys and go back to painful memories that stirred up a lot for her, she doesn't want to "go back" anymore.

Only to visit, or do mission work. Not to pretend life was so great there. My, how she has grown. Hopefully he will be right behind her.

Chance was very quiet when all this was going on, and when I asked him "Was he like this in Ch*na?" And he quickly said "Yes, he get mad very easy, sorry mother." I said "Well, they didn't tell us anything about THAT." And he said " They not tell you bad things about children, then you no want them." OHHHH. His honesty gave me a chuckle.

I thought we were making good head way till the hair incident, we talked on Saturday, about things that he says that sound bossy, like "I can do this" instead of saying "Can I do this?" How he needs to adjust the words because mother and father respond much better when being asked and not "told". That we are here to teach him how to behave in this culture, to help him. Not pick on him.

That we want to parent him, we didn't bring him here to take care of himself. He has a hard time with that. The control, the trust.

I was a bit shocked when he snapped right out of the hair issue by the next day, in fact the next morning dad said he was up and had apologized to him. Hummm.... that is some major progress right there. Before he would brood, pout, not speak, not eat, etc for DAYS. He was D-I-F-F-I-C-U-L-T to live with like that.

He apologized to me and we talked. We talked about trusting us as his parents, to do the best we can, and that we needed to be able to trust him that he would not get mad and try to hurt us with not listening to us, being rude and disrespectful as well as showing the younger children these behaviors.

Oh, and I did share with him that sister had already tried hurting us with that "go back to Ch*na line" and we knew better, that she got a BIG reality shock when we went back to get him and she went along. That trip was a hard, slamming reality check for her. So that when he said it, it wasn't going to bother me.

'Cause they will miss things from there and that's okay, but things there also were not all peaches and cream and we knew bringing him here wouldn't be easy but it was also better than leaving him there alone. Because we WANTED him to be our son and have a better life than what he would have had there.

Ongoing work. And yes, he is worth it. So very worth it. Even if we could use a little less of the teenage drama:) Hair. REALLY???


Perry County said...

Wow, Vicky. You are doing a great job at parenting these older children! You seem to know what to say. I can imagine how hard it is to parent an older child since they would be so used to a world so different then ours. You go girl!!!

Julie said...

Oh my gosh, that was weird! It posted from my work account. Sorry.