Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Doing okay

We are working on a new direction to go with the main instigator, Chase. No surprise there either. He's very set in his ways and beliefs.

I am stepping back and changing my approach to him. Dad is taking on more of the issues with him. It's giving us calm right now as he reacts totally different to dad when he is talking, asking, telling him things. So as long as it works and reduces the strain, then we are doing okay:)

Started the counseling with Chance and Chloe, just a trip out for ice cream at this point. A good start though. Chase was at a track meet so he didn't go.

I have felt amazed by the love, care, calls, e-mails, comments, help we have been given. I haven't returned them all yet- sorry. But I can tell you, it helped. SO much. I am only human and honestly we were slammed by these kiddos last week. We took some hard hits. And at times I felt very alone in their issues. WELL--- not any more! I am so thankful for everyone who reached out to support us, it's helping us feel the power of prayer and God's Will for these children.

I've been crazy busy showing the house 3 times in 24 hrs. Yeah, 3 times! 3 times to get everyone out, the dog relocated (who freaks out each time) and have the house as clean as possible. I told hubby we can't have immaculate for a showing but we do have the fact that we all live here and everything obviously works. I think that makes up for not being immaculate.

Not that it's a dirty house, trust me, but it was! When I went to work Monday evening I knew there was a showing for Tuesday morn. I was in a hurry. I left dad with the kids and supper to handle, a 7 pound can of ravioli to open. (Our local Walm#rt carries these:) I said "don't worry about the house, I'll run the sweeper in the morning." Welllllll..... wrong thing to say. They left me dishes, dirty floors, dusting, even the kids rooms were not cleaned. OIY.

The urge to strangle someone came over me, but I was the one who said "don't worry about it" so it was strangle self or hustle and clean. I hustled and cleaned. So far the feedback is good, 2 out of the 3 showings are seriously interested parties, the third was a single person and the house is really too big for a single person. I *think* we are done showing for this week, but you never know.

Very busy but most of it good so that's always positive. And honestly, for all of you who sent up prayer or thought of us, thanks. It means a lot. God never told us these kiddos would be easy, but He did give us them to parent and love.

And we do. If they "get it" great, if not, well, we aren't going to stop trying or loving. We just can't.

At least for now we feel we are wading again, not drowning. Ahhh. I really don't like that drowning feeling. It's just downright scary.

I'll take wading. Sure will:)


mom2three said...

I'm wondering if part of the acting out has to do with your going back to work, the big move, and so much change at once. Our daughter with RAD really acts out when there is change. She has to be SO in control, so change just freaks her out. This is part of the counseling she is getting, how to deal with the fear and anxiety and loss of control that change brings. Hang in there, God isn't finished with them or you yet.

Chris said...

Ah I didn't realize you are moving too...yup bunch of triggers...Daniel Hughes (attachment therapist) says there is no upper age limit to helping these kids....there is always hope.
Keep praying

Family said...

We continue to pray and send love your way!

Jennifer said...

We are praying for you and your precious ones daily. I once read that the strongest relationships are the ones forged and refined in fire. Maybe not today, but one day the Min kids are going to rise up and call you blessed. (((((BIG hugs)))))

Lori Lynn said...

I've wondered from the beginning how hard it must have been for you to adopt three teenagers almost all at once. After all, they have you outnumbered! There really isn't much you can do to shape who they are at this point. They are already formed and you are stepping in at a naturally rebellious age. I think you are on the right track to deal with it as RAD. I am not sure it is possible to even have very high expectations for these children. Just do your best from day to day. Do what you know is right. They are not going to fully understand for a very long time, if they ever do. You have stepped in and made a difference in their lives that will result in something amazing in the long term. In the short term, just focus on meeting basic needs and keeping everyone safe.

Certainly, I'm no expert. One of my daughters seems to have attachment disorder and I feel partially responsible for that (in that my parenting hasn't been the best). My other child has blossomed so much in the past year (she just turned 7 and was adopted as a baby) that it truly amazes me. I had no idea that she could come out of her shell and gain so much self-confidence. She is truly happy 95% of the time.

I really wish you all the best. It may not get better for a very long time, but you have done an wonderful thing. Keep your expectations low. If you can raise these kids to become independent, semi-happy, non-criminals, then you have accomplished an incredible feat!

Hold your ground and pick your battles. I have such fond affection for your family and wish you all the best. I hope your house sells quickly and you can get those 2 bathrooms you really need!