Friday, February 25, 2011

The Brick Wall


Child #3 to hit the brick wall. Chance. Didn't surprise me it took this long. He is the easy going, smile and laugh an issue away. Chase, being more serious, hit his brick wall much earlier and has since decided it's cool to climb the wall.Climbed over and took off, no stopping him now.

But now it's Chance's turn. It's the point of older child adoption that they ALL get to. A BIG red brick wall. Can't go around it, can't go under it. Gotta chose to climb over it. They run right smack into it. Looks so tall. Scary tall. And although we, their parents, stand right behind them to lend a hand, to hike them up, they aren't sure they WANT us to.

First they look around. Can they get around it? Maybe for a few days, even a month. But they eventually run straight back into that big wall. So they sit at the base of the wall. Sometimes they cry. Sometimes they rant, they are angry, they say hurtful things. Because they HURT. Sometimes they try to pretend it's not even there, won't TRY to find a way over it.

But they kept running into it and eventually see they HAVE to deal with the wall.

We are behind Chance, lovingly, patiently, waiting for him to climb the wall.
What is the wall? The wall is the realization, this is it. I got a family, but some days he isn't too sure that was so great after all. We aren't all fun. We care if he does school work or not. We make him do homework before playing. We make him apologize when he hurts someone, we make him act decent. We EXPECT things of him. We don't lavish him in material possessions.

We even have the nerve to say "money isn't everything." We treat him as a son, within our family, loved and special, but not favored over another child.

The wall is his decision to accept this and know that it is his life now, and it's got some great things to it, some not so great but it's LIFE. His life. Our life together.

That sadly we can't even move all of us to Ch*na and give him better there than what we give him here. But that also means he loses things he loves about Ch*na.

Misses from his life there. Misses a lot.

He's not sure he wants all this, to accept it. It's a tough thing to do. It's like being a traitor to him, to his homeland. But deep down he also knows this was meant to be. He struggles. I ache to watch this inner struggle that I totally understand but can not fix for him.

All I can do is stand behind him, waiting, for him to say "Okay, help me up." And offer my hands for him to stand in, knowing I will hold him as he lifts up to climb over, I will not let him fall. I am here for him. Mimicking what my Heavenly Father does for me each time I run face first into MY brick wall of life. Gently lift me up, shake me off, and help me over. All done with the purest love from the heart.
Just as we will do when Chance decides he is ready.

5 comments:

Sue said...

What a great post, I can relate a lot of that to Erin too. You are a great writer

Chris said...

Thanks, I see shadows of the "brick wall" but we haven't run into it yet.

Forgetting his conversational Ch*nese is bothering him right now and we don't really have the funds to put him in a Sat. class to keep it up...will keep him reading though.

Family said...

Well said...you are an amazing Mom. God knew what he was doing when he asked you to adopt these kids:)

Shannon and Boyd Bringolf said...

Awesome. I love the analogy of the brick wall. Thank you. My children and I really enjoy reading your blog as we try to climb that brick wall of do we adopt an older child that we now know or not...

Sammie said...

I love that you have so much insight into your kids and what it is like to come as an older child. Your kids have definetly landed in the right family. I wish all adoptive families had as much insight...hopefully others will learn from you and it will help other families in their child's adjustment.