Saturday, November 6, 2010

Mother mad, everyone SAD

Sooo, I had the "sit down" with Chance. And I have to say... the boy puzzles me. I think he is way too easy going, or I am missing something. Nothing like keeping momma on her toes guessing.

He said he doesn't like when I AM MAD at him. So I said "then don't MAKE ME MAD." Hummm... novel idea, I know!

He was fine once we got past the "mother is mad at him." Chloe helped him, she wrote for him the note. (Note they are BED children- ha ha ha ) I chuckled when it was obvious that neither one of them could figure out what to do and they came up with "what then?"

Ohh, it hurts my heart sometimes to know these children have to LEARN how to be part of a family. They have NO clue how to handle so many situations we consider "no brainers" and it's not due to their intelligence, it's things they never learned from when they were little children.

So Chance assured me he doesn't miss Ch*na one bit, other than the food. He is one child that doesn't let things bother him, which is why I was worried with him acting up yesterday as well, Camden was tossing around a football before school and it slipped, hitting Chance- of course it did.

And Chance was furious with Camden. Off he went to school, MAD. I got an e-mail from the ESL teacher saying he had talked to her about it, that he was very upset.

I thought it was great he talked to her. He usually just clams up. But then when he got home and Chloe helped him apologize and I was talking to him he told me he really can't stand me being mad at him. That's the issue. Along with him STILL thinking I give Camden special treatment.

So I explained to him Camden got in trouble for tossing the ball in the house, but that he needed to "NOT make me mad for me to not be mad at him." And I told him "Momma MAD= you SAD, no momma MAD= you NO SAD." And what does that Chloe pipe in with? "Chloe mad, no one sad." And dad said "yep, you got it." So she swatted dad and we all got a good laugh. Yeah, we carrying on like, well, like a bunch of kids often. Can't help it, I don't want to grow up. (can't make me MOM)

It's really something trying to keep up with these 3, I was taking them to the store to get Chase a coat, he refuses to wear many things, as if he hit the Tr*mp adoptive family. Nope, just us. Bummer, I know! So I give up on picking anything without him along, and he picked a heavy jacket,wouldn't get a coat. Guess when he is freezing this winter that coat I showed him and encouraged him to get will look okay for him to wear and he'll be S-O-R-R-Y he doesn't have it. So there!

Anyway on the way into the store Chloe says "Mother. You mean." I said "Okay." Knowing this was leading to a teen gripe session unmerited by ME. She went on to say "you don't do this, and that and this for us.- You so mean, I want go back to Ch*na to my birth mother." Since I knew my wonderfully snotty teen aged daughter wanted a reaction- I said "Okay, you do that. I wonder if you can find her?" Chloe was speechless for once.

So I took her silence as an opportunity to say "you know what Chloe, I am not MEAN. I love you as much as any mother could love her child. I feed you, get you what you need, take you to karate, church, and I think it's MEAN of you to say such things." Well... girl changed her tune really FAST. I think it's a backlash of her talking about the foster children we met at karate, she was asking all kinds of questions of how children get taken from their parents (mothers) here.

I KNOW this girl. She fears losing the mother she finally has. Terribly fears it. And one of the best ways to get to root of a nasty comment from any teenager is to L-I-S-T-E-N. Because I have learned they are usually trying to tell you something or work through something under that nasty comment. And If you give them a big reaction they will shut down and you get nothing else out of them. But I also know when to put a halt to her taking out her fear on me. I'm not a punching bag.

Although they must think I am. I have armed them- yikes, you are right! They keep practicing that karate on me. I have to tell them to go beat up dad. That will be lovely for their PP report being done this week- "they love it here, we don't beat them, they beat up US." OIY.


Regina said...

Love the new look of your blog. It looks great!

Lori Lynn said...

You are one amazing mama! It must be so hard to try and reign in three teenagers who have never experienced a true family until you came along.

I think these tougher posts are the ones we can learn from the most. Thanks for sharing.