Monday, October 25, 2010

Storm Brewing

And I don't mean the weather. Look at the face on the older one here. We are getting to know him and can see the signs. I told dad I was willing to bet he would blow by evening.

BUT.... he didn't. I think it all started when he got in trouble for the disappearing act and escalated when Camden put in his 2 cents as he is apt to do when I asked Chase to not look like he was being tortured by us in my pictures.

I could tell he was mad, he doesn't like any of the younger kids making comments or "telling him what to do." So I told Camden to mind his own business and by today, Mr. Gloom was happy and actually joking with us.

Soooooo this tells me some things. Although we still lack in English, we are getting to know our sons. They are getting some ability to shake things off, not make them major issues. We are (GASP) making progress! We really are. And it feels good. It is happening. And by IT --I mean the blending of our family.

I can leave the teens in a room with the littles and not fear what will happen. I do not have to park myself between them, to referee. They are doing better with accepting, albeit grudgingly, ALL of their siblings.
Each one of the teens are starting to show me their own personalities, they are less the "threesome" they used to be. It's neat getting to know them for who they are, not what they "think" they should be.

I don't know how to explain adding in olders any better than this---

When these kids first come we are all excited, including the kids already here. We open our arms WIDE with joy. They are home. WOW!

Now let's pretend we are THEM---here's what THEY see and think---

I got parents. WOW.
Oh, and everything I was told I would get when they told me getting adopted was great and going to America even better. So where is it?

Why am I sharing a room with this kid who might touch what little stuff I do have?

Who is this little person and why does he talk funny and think I can understand him and what does he want from me?

Why is he allowed to do "this or that" and I can't?

Why do these kids bawl and whine, and why doesn't anyone slap (literally) them into shape?

These kids aren't MY sisters/brothers-- they are competition for the attention of these parents I JUST got.

I'm gonna do what I have to in order to fight my way to the top of this chain since I am coming in as the "new kid" on the bottom.

I'll smack them before they get a chance to smack ME.

Learning the language is hard and no told me I would be stuck and have no choice but to learn and I don't want to and no one can make me.

I'm miserable, homesick, scared, changing, worried, ANGRY that I lost everything in my life as I knew it to come HERE?

We have seen all of this in different degrees with all 3 of the teens. We have gone through the grieving, we are not DONE with that, it's an ongoing process we will revisit with our kids, but the initial BAM, no choice you are HERE for good-- grieving, seems to be easing. We hit the denial. Wasn't going to learn, no thanks, didn't care to blend into this family, just keeping up the threesome. Started working through the denial recently. It all adds up to---PROGRESS. We are heading toward acceptance:)

Hallelujah, praise our wonderful Lord. I am so thankful for these boys and their progress. Not that some days aren't still rough. We can revisit any and all of their steps of grieving at any given time. But as we get to know them better we know how to comfort them, help them and they look to us to climb those hills WITH THEM. It's an unbelievable thing.

Just today, Chloe said to me, "when I die will I go to Ch*na Heaven or American Heaven?" I laughed but said " well, I believe Heaven is what you want it to be- so either place." I asked her if she was going to be there alone ( she picked Ch*na Heaven:) and she said "no, it's not the same, lots of people have to be there."
Then she said "IT."

"Oh, I want YOU there with me mother, I want to be with you."
Meaning for all eternity, she wants to be with ME. Her mother. I cried later, from the joy of it. I didn't want her to think I was upset with her. She wouldn't understand that for me, she just gave me a wonderful gift. It's the gift of her healing, from past pains, as well as her acceptance of God's home for us when we pass.
For everyone who wonders "why do they DO this?" This is why. That one moment when you know this was sooo meant to be. That these precious children are so worth every tear, every aggravation, all of it. So worth it. Love without reservation, healing of little souls that have borne more than they ever should have at their ages. Feeling that bond, that we are their parents, no matter our looks, or theirs, blood, culture.
This is why older children NEED families, not to be considered "too old." They are not too old to want a family, to make this work. And it is WORK, but it also WORKS:)
Oh, and just so you know, we live in a very small community and no one else would take in these goofballs, everyone knows they belong to us and would send their hineys right back on home. So we have NO concerns that they might go scouting for a new home. I laughed when I saw that in the comments, too funny:)


Nancy said...

Oh, Vickie. What a beautiful blog. When Chloe says sweet things like she did, it kind of makes the bad times a lot easier. I cried with you. And it is great that you seem to have your kiddos figured out. Not an easy thing to do.

Holly said...

Vickie, that is such an awesome post. You have those kids' thoughts and feelings pegged which is half the battle I'm sure. And getting a reward like the one Chloe gave you--priceless. Thank you for sharing.

Sherri said...

Great post Vickie. I agree with the other 2 comments on Chloe. What a wonderful young lady she is.

Jennifer said...

We both cried tears of joy over sweet Chloe. Hugs!

mom2three said...

Good for Chase for not blowing. Sounds like he is learning to handle frustration in a better way than clobbering his brother. Keep up the good work, Vickie.