Sunday, September 5, 2010

Never alone

At times I can only wonder what it would be like to not have 10 + children. You see, I am terribly human and once in a while I come close to my breaking point of tolerance. I pray (daily) for more tolerance. But when I told hubby I was on my last nerve YESTERDAY and he said "what does that mean, exactly? What is your last nerve?" HUH? Do you really want to go there?

It DID get me thinking as to what really is bugging me. I've never been known for my patience and quite frankly at nearly 4 months home with the boys I want to say something to them, like I did yesterday- "Is your room clean" before they went outside to play and they not yell "LOU FUNG" (Chloe). Needing her to translate that. I want to speak to them and they with me.

As well as being tired of Donovan not doing his chores, tired of Camden picking on people, Kat not brushing out her hair before bed, tired of Chloe complaining that Kat has more dresses than her every Sunday when I will not let her wear jeans to church and she never wants to buy a dress when shopping. Tired of Chance fighting with Camden because he is jealous of him.

Chase and Chance are frustrated how long it is taking for them to learn English. They think it will be like Chloe who realize suddenly she was speaking English and said "how I learn this?" As if we just planted it in her head overnight one night and didn't spend many months suffering to get her fluent enough to express herself?

It's like having babies you need to protect since they can't tell me anything without a translator and trust me when I say Chloe will not translate unless she wants to.

But before you all feel badly about that, I think of her here first, making it without a translator at all, taking it all on, paving their way. So they are still better protected from the harsh world than she was. And at times I am thrilled they can have some independence, Chase can now go ride his bike without us worrying.

But yesterday I got annoyed. Over something silly, I will admit that. But I was annoyed. I made the boys a picture board, recycled, of course. An old blanket, a boogie board no longer in use, ribbon I had and some glue. They were fascinated that I could whip this up and happy to have a board for their special pictures. I put a hanger on the back after I showed Chase how the pictures slipped in between the ribbon and said "now wait and I will get dad to hang it."

Nope, not gonna happen. Chloe comes and tells me, "Chase glued the pictures on." I said "WHAT?" Yeah, never leave a hot glue gun available:( He GLUED the pictures on and thumb tacked the whole thing to the wall. How it's even stayed on the wall is surprising, I keep waiting for the "crash" but at least the pictures won't fall out of place- since he HOT GLUED them on. Grrrrrrr. Then worst of all he says (when he knows he is in trouble) "It's okay." In this singsong voice that I can't stand.

I may be able to laugh about this soon but yesterday I was annoyed that he would not listen. And I had to tell myself, he was excited, he wanted to see it up, not where my "annoyed brain" wanted to go, thinking ---hang it himself so he needs no one to help him, not like he has parents he can count on to do it now! So silly of me, since I needed to look at the good- he LIKED it, was thrilled I made it for him.

Then Chase was fighting with Chloe and I asked her what the issue was. I mean they were really getting into it. Acting like siblings. He was mad at her since she speaks more English than him, and he tells her she is "showing off" (a huge Chinese culture no-no) by speaking English. I had to break it to him that she does speak English, she has to use it here, and that's NOT showing off, it's using what you know. I've come to understand her not wanting to translate for them. They will use her as a crutch if they can.

The boys are very different than Chloe, she wanted to learn so badly, and she had to. It's all that was spoken. The boys, on the other hand, want to learn, but they don't like how hard it is to learn it. They want it to come easy and it isn't going to, but we do have to all remember nothing worthwhile is easy and we are only at almost 4 months home. That's not very long in the big picture of life.

So how did things go from yesterday's last nerve? Well, that Dad used MY LINE I am usually spouting out "It can only get better and better as their English improves." Which is true, we can't go backwards with the language so it has to get better. Couldn't argue since it was MY LINE!

And Donovan really put things in perspective when I complained how many paper towels were used in a short time today and Camden piped up that it was Chase, and Donovan said "just think, if you hadn't wanted all these kids you would be down to 2 now, just me and him (Camden) and we wouldn't use up all the paper towels."

It hit me pretty hard to think what a terribly loss it would be to not have our 4 Chinese born children here, to never have met them, loved them, been brought tears, joy, laughter and love from parenting them. And I decided "No thanks." I'll take them getting to my "last nerve" any day and every day before I would ever want to be without them.

So Donovan lost his dream of the bathroom being open any time he has to use it, 'cause I have to say, even annoyed with them all, I can't imagine life without them, bio or adopted, so that makes 'em MINE. And even today it might be a tiny bit funny that Chase glued those pictures, of course he did.

As well as seeing the pictures our niece snapped when little guy got shots, was grouchy and needed some serious Grammy snuggle/nap time. Isn't he just precious? At least only his mouth is hanging open:)

Just another day in the real world of my life. Some days are great, some are tougher. But I do it with God and keep plugging along. Hoping I am making some difference. That my purpose in life and parenting is honoring my God:)


Lori said...

Really great post, Vickie! Thanks so much for sharing so honestly.

Love all the pics...especially the last one. SO precious!

Marie94 said...

I really enjoyed today's post. I only have 6 kids - all still at home - oldest is 15 - 4 from China. I really hope to be a 'mom to many' also.
(We too measure how old we are by how many years we have left to adopt - for us, 5.5. years.)
Hope you have an great day!

awaitingmissemily said...

You are an amazing woman!! God uses you in such a BIG way. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for being willing to be used by GOD.

Holly said...

Oh, Vickie. I know it must be so hard. We have 5 and there are days I think this house is a zoo! Only God can give us patience. You are only human. I will be praying for you for wings like eagles. You are indeed using your very life to honor Him! Praise the Lord for people like you.

Jennifer said...

Once again thanks for keeping it real Vickie. I have been wanting to share this link with you We use this site at my school and it is great. The boys will be "showing off" their English before you know it. In the meantime hide the glue guns!