Thursday, September 23, 2010

Guilt Trip

You all may not know this but I learned to guilt people by the Queen of Guilt. The MASTER. I mean, my mother could have won AWARDS for how well she could guilt anyone into feeling BAD. Really really, BAD. You NEVER wanted to go there, wherever there was, AGAIN. (admitting it is okay now mom, and I'll expect your call)

So when Chloe finally decided on Day 2 of sitting in her door less room of silence, to apologize, I let her rip. I told her she HAD to tell the boys what she had said to get in trouble. Then when she tried to say I yelled at her- I put a stop to that excuse, since amazingly enough, I did not raise my voice to her at all with the original conversation we had.

Then I pointed out to her that like it or not, Kat was here first, she is the baby here, and she is not going to act like a 6 year old orphanage child EVER. That being mean to her was NOT going to be allowed and quite frankly, Chloe should be ASHAMED of how she treats her little sis. I told her right from the start when we sent her pictures of Kat to see she would have a Chinese sister, giving her some comfort in that before we went for her, as well as her being able to play and learn from Kat, who never ONCE was mean to her about that.

Then I piled on some more guilt about what she said, considering when she was home 4 months and she got in trouble I was pretty sure she wasn't feeling safe enough to believe we wouldn't send her back. So I asked her "WHY" would she want to make her brothers feel that way?

That she needed to (and she did) tell them that they are not dogs or toys, they are CHILDREN, and even being rude and saying what she did, we would NEVER consider such a thing. It isn't EVER going to happen. They are our children, no matter if we look alike, we don't, we birthed them or adopted them, if they like us, they don't, if we like their behavior or not--they are STUCK with US (and us with them) like, FOREVER.

Then she got some MORE guilt dumped on her about her behavior when she tried to blame Camden for her mouthing off, that he does it sometimes. And I told her, "Yes, he does, and he gets in trouble. So WHY are you looking to follow a 10 year old's example and use him as an excuse." I told her she was 14 and more is expected of her as such.

She had obviously spent some of her "room time" working out how she was going to get out of what she did. NOPE. NOT SO. Might need 3 days next time to get a better plan worked out-OIY, that girl!

The dryer is fixed, after I came home from the dentist with Chase after being slammed with a ridiculous $90 extra charge for the "build up at his gum line"-- come on! The dryer repairman was here, as I proclaimed I was "broke- oops, except to pay for the dryer repair." Little bit of red faced moment there.

I have to say "kudos" to the repair place, they remembered me from April when the dryer broke right before we left to adopt the boys. I called, they sent someone out within HOURS of my call. Don't get that kind of service every day! It was so NOT surprising to learn that my wonderfully rough children had caused the dryer issue. They were SLAMMING the door and broke the sensor in the door.

I KNOW, I didn't do it. I mean, that washer and dryer are right up there like precious jewels in my world since I do 4-5 loads of laundry a day. I MUST have them working and as such I thank God for them each day that they keep plugging right along for me. (or with me, if you please)


We will have to chalk it up as another thing that Baba and I, when old, will be sitting here in our broken chairs, yelling to hear each other, saying "What in the world happened here?"

And then hopefully we will fondly remember those children we brought home that roughed up everything as they learned what it was to be in a family and we'll laugh till we do one of 2 things, or maybe even BOTH!

1. Wet our pants. 2. Go looney.

I'm sure by then we will have guilted the children enough that they will kindly come take care of us, change our pants, wipe our slobber and say, (just like my mother is going to when she calls, not IF, WHEN) "OH MY! What did you do NOW?"

Kat came home yesterday and was sad. She just wasn't herself. Come to find out some little boy made "slant eyes" at her on the playground. After a call to the school today, learning they were aware (saw the brat do it to Kat) and they had addressed it with the child as well as having a talk with all the children about being different and being accepted.

The teacher told me that sadly, she is seeing this more and younger than in the past, and one boy even commented while they were having the group talk that his dad says "brown skinned people are bad." GRRR--- what is WRONG with people??

I was happy that for Kat, me saying "I LOVE your eyes, they are so beautiful," made her just glow with happiness. Ohh, to fix all prejudice that easily, wouldn't that be grand. I hope she can continue to see her differences as being just fine to have. That she is special and deeply loved as is.

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone offering me a room. You all are so sweet. I feel so much better knowing I could if I wanted to - just don't tell mom I was on the Exped*a site checking flight prices and things:) SHHH.

Gotta go now, I think I hear the phone ringing..........anyone want to get that? Oh my, I'm betting it's my MOTHER.

3 comments:

Chad said...

You tell Ms. Kat that there is a fourth grade teacher the size of a grizzly bear in Alabama that has a Chinese princess of his own (CG) that will come up there and fold that little turkey into a pretzel for her if she needs me to :)

From Jen's Husband in Alabama

Adrian Roberta said...

Too funny! Not the teasing part though.....Ping's getting it here too.....*sgh*

Joan said...

Our little Grace got picked on this week for being Chinese, too. 2nd grade boy said he could beat her up because she was Chinese...sigh. Said while boy was performing "air kung fu" moves in her face. Ironically, he's also adopted, from Russia, and I honestly think the whole thing was more related to his issues than racism. But it made my daughter feel bad about being Chinese. The school did address it immediately.