Friday, August 6, 2010

Torn

That would be ME. I can not decide. I don't know if I want to. Go back to work. I've felt so blessed to achieved a nursing degree, and to have worked 16 years as a maternity nurse. But after our precious baby Tristan died, I was done. And I knew it. It was the one thing I did not anticipate with loving him so much. I could not, just could not bring myself to work with happy new parents anymore.

I saw it as a door opening. Another direction my life needed to take and we turned to special needs foster care. That was a wonderful journey, but one that we are not able to do now due to the number of our kiddos in the home. And of course, the whole issue of Chloe's brothers getting home and their needs made it impossible for me to consider going back to work till now. And we felt so blessed that God has provided, the room, the funds for me to be home.

Now everyone is going back to school. Just 24 days ( I think my count was wrong!) and I am thinking about things. I don't ever want to be in a place again where we have more so we spend more, on frivolous things. Before I grew with God we did this.

But I can think of so many things I would like to do if the income was there. Help others. Give back to the grant foundations that helped us. Sponsor another child's foster care. And even a few things for us, that might not be "necessary," but we'd like to take our kids on vacation. All of them. Enjoying time together.
So today I had till 5 pm to mail in an application. As usual, I asked God to make this happen if it's meant to be. First the printer wouldn't work. Then we were out of paper. So after printer intervention and paper bought, I barely made the 5 pm deadline. Now I can't get my password to work on the local career center site. I am starting to wonder if God is gently (HELLO Vickie) telling me, nope, not what I want you to be doing.

We'll have to see what comes of it. I'll let you know. I don't, for a minute, want to take away from what our children need of me. How do we balance it all? I do feel that the boys have blended in so well, it's a wonderful thing that I can even consider going to work. It's like they have always been here. Minus the conversation ability we still do not have, they are very comfortable and clearly settled well here.

Chase, Chance and Camden went to the local pool today. Together. No issues. I drove them in and dropped them off, they called when they were done. WOW. There's improvement.

I stayed home and took a nap, since Baba woke me up at 5 am to tell me the kitten had dumped out the bunny box and bunny was missing. After searching for an hour and deciding bunny was probably a goner, I went back to bed. Camden was going up the steps about 9 am and there was the bunny. Alive and well. Didn't even look traumatized that it had been a kitten toy for a few hours. I don't think Oreo has any intention of eating the bunny, she just wants to have some fun at that poor little bunny's expense.
Mal is packing up to move next weekend, to college. WOW, where did that time go? Kat and Chloe will be sharing a room, we'll see how that goes since we tried that when Chloe first came home and Chloe was too bossy and it didn't work well. Let's hope it goes better the second time around:)

It's been one HOT summer here and we are looking forward to a break in the horrible humidity this weekend, not sure what we will get into but I'm sure we can drum up something to do.......

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黃以陳美苓富 said...
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