Tuesday, August 17, 2010

And a few more

I got a few more questions, don't worry about how you all contact me, I never mind e-mails. At least I know someone is reading what I take time to write:)

First one was "How is Chase handling handing over responsibility of the twins to us?"

Well... I have to tell you. This boy/young man was just waiting to be given a reprieve from them. The twins are quite the handful. I really wonder how he did it! Chloe for one, is as bossy as the day is long. She yells at them, she is a snotty sister. They love one another but they sure do squabble.

Chance is a boy out for FUN. He already knows in English, "knock it off, stop, don't do that, quit it, no, NO and NO." And the biggie- "SORRY." I swear he wakes up chanting "sorry." I guess he is preparing for his day? He is one ornery boy. He's lucky he is so stinkin' cute I can't possibly stay mad at him and I love him to pieces.
Chase's progress of English is much slower than Chance's. He is less willing to USE the words he knows, but they are there. I have been saying "use ENGLISH" about 20 times a day and he is slowly doing it. He said his first whole sentence to me last week, "Can I have more?" (Food related, of course) The lack of language/unknown culture/ customs, puts him at a (good for us) disadvantage that he cannot provide for the twins, and has HAD to hand it over to us.

He will occasionally scold Chance to tell him to behave, because Chase very much wants mother to not be upset with them, but he also clearly knows I am their mother, dad is their dad and we want to parent them, we will not send them back EVER and he is cool with dumping their behavior to us to take on:) Can't you just see these two spunky ones? Chloe was telling Chance what the rules in of school are- he was saying "what?" Over and over.

Chase as well has enjoyed just being a kid. At Bible School and other activities we have him do are geared for much younger kids and at times he is clearly bored, but when he is having fun with the Youth group, he is really having FUN. Someone at church said you can just SEE his happiness to be home with us, that he just radiates joy. And he does. I told the agency when they asked how things were going "He was SOOO worth bringing home, he is like the icing on top of the cake."

He is funny, he makes all kinds of silly noises when he is happy, it's hilarious.

Chase has a more quiet nature, he is very caring and I know he is going to be someone special, he's already on the road there:) Although he has his stubborn side as well, when he gets mad, he wants to stand his ground. Just like his momma. I understand him quite well, even with the language issue. And he is NOT the oldest or biggest boy in the house, Donovan is. So that makes it even more that he is NOT "big brother" anymore.

As far as the jealousy issues we had with the boys, the meanness to Camden.....

This has eased tremendously. I really and truly wake up and say "Lord give me strength" with these kids. I leaned on HIM-- knowing He meant for these 3 to become a part of our family, not shut us out of theirs!

So we were blessed with Chloe babysitting and the boys left here often this summer which allowed Chance to make his own discoveries of Camden and find things to bond with him over. Nintendo, going to big brother Derrik's (to play video games), riding bikes, going to the pool were only things they could do WITH Camden. Camden can take my cell phone and use it, he knows what they are allowed to do and what they aren't.

Having to rely on him has allowed them to do a few things- learn a ton more English which helps them communicate with us better, getting to do fun things, and has built a better relationship between them. Chase less so, only since he is quite a bit more mature than Chance and Camden, so he does less with them, but he understands I will not tolerate meanness, and I take computer time, going anywhere, TV, etc, when they don't listen and get mean with Camden.

It's a fine line to provide Camden or Kat with protection from them being mean, and them not thinking the others are favored, but I know they will take time to learn and believe they are all equal to us. Camden or Kat being treated badly will NOT be healed if allowed to keep happening and will not help the blending of siblings.
I can say I am soooo happy the blending is going better. It was rough. I am human, I cried to God more than once "you wanted us to do this-- HELP?" Camden is by no means an angel but he was and is still thrilled to have 2 new big brothers. He wants them to love him just like he loves them, their acceptance of him is helping:) Kat is the baby girl of the family and she just loves everyone.

As far as the question of the one child rule.....

When a couple is married and has a child, they give birth, register the child's birth. If they have a girl, and decide, we want a son, they do not register the birth. They may raise her for a few years, or have a family member hid her in the countryside. They may abandon her immediately. Even with a son, they may wait to register the child if they think anything might be wrong with the child. If they had a son, like Chase, and they registered him that would be their "one child." If mother became pregnant, say by accident, then what?

Did father kick mother out? Did he wait till she gave birth and the babies (Chloe and Chance) were born and then couldn't provide for them, or did it take a year or two for him to do that? Or was he abusive and she fled to protect her babies? Was the "authorities" getting closer to checking into their region for illegal births? Was she showing signs of whatever illness she had and father didn't want/couldn't care for her? I don't know.

I would guess Chloe and Chance were a "surprise", which makes sense that they are twins, I can't see a woman in their culture having a healthy son and then risking jail, fines, losing everything they have (which can and DOES happen for breaking the 1 child law) by getting pregnant 2 more times??

Mother's crippling issue was a progressive one and I believe she tried to care for her babies as best she could till she was left with no choice but to rely on them to take care of her:( I can't know for sure but I feel in my heart she has passed on, and that she knows I love her babies like my own. That I would give my life for them, just as she may have.

It's truly nothing like our society, where if we see someone fall down we try to help. We rush to the aid of people in need, no matter their country, their color, their age. We freely worship our God who made us, the One who tells us to love one another, to love the orphans, His children and welcome them as our own into our families. I know as long as we follow Him we can't go wrong, He does not make mistakes.

We are so blessed to freely proclaim our love of our Heavenly Father and His ways, to allow us to follow His lead and bringing us more children to love and cherish, to see children as more than "a son to care for me in old age." Or a daughter "who will be a waste of food." Many reasons that create the orphans in their society that God calls us to love and care for. Is He calling YOU to care???


Marie94 said...

Thank you for your blog. I try to read it a few times per week. It is encouraging to me. We have 6 kids - 4 from China - ages 15, 12, 5,4,3 and 1. Honestly, I woke up today and said the same prayer you said. You called us to this - I need help. I surrendered all of my parenting to the Lord today. We have been home for less than 2 weeks - there is a HUGE difference between 5 and 6 kids. So far the day has been better than yesterday. I feel like I am spread so thin I cannot make everyone feel that they are all still important and special. That's my question to you - how do you do that?
Thanks for sharing your heart!
Robyn in WI

Chad and Kristy said...

Chase is so darn handsome! I love that picture of him holding the baby! PRECIOUS!! I also love Chloe's short hair. It really looks good on her:)

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Hunan Mommy said...

Dedicated follower of your blog, and I could not have enjoyed reading the responses to your blog more. Thank you again for sharing!

Heather BT said...

Just a note, the one child rule only applies to the Han ethnic group, all the other ethnicities in China can have multiple children. If your children are thought to be Mongolian ethnicity, then the rule would not have applied to their parents. The Mongolian's tend to be taller, even tall for American kids.

BTW I think I was the one who said to put the Vick's on your feet, glad it helped.

Have you ever gone to CCTV dot com? they have TV shows in Many languages from China.


Heather said...

Gotta tell ya! I love hearing these stories about your kids! They just seem like amazing people. Really great!