Monday, July 19, 2010

Bumpin' along

Hit a bump yesterday. I had been upset, irritated at something that had nothing to do with the kids. Apparently I have a son who is very in tune with mother's feelings. I didn't realize how bonded to me he really is:) Such a sweetie.

When we went to church yesterday I handed snack off to Camden to take to the basement, since I knew he would be able to get it where it belonged and not get lost, much to Chase's annoyance. He did not understand why I wouldn't let him take the snack.

So after church when Sunday school started, I was called out of class by his teacher, since Chase left class, went outside and was sitting at a picnic table looking miserable. I sat out there with him and tried to figure out what was wrong, thinking the worst, of course. That he was unhappy, he didn't like us, he didn't want to be here, he hated church, he wished we had never adopted him.

Pretty soon I was in tears as well as him since I had no way to communicate with him and he was just saying "uhhmm" to everything I was saying. My heart was just breaking not knowing how to figure out what was wrong, and at one point he put his head on me and just cried.

After we got home I asked Chloe to help. I asked if he had understood what I had said to him at church- the answer was "no." Then I asked what was wrong. He was concerned that my being upset and annoyed was due to him. So I had Chloe explain to him that I can be upset and annoyed but it have nothing to do with him and he needed to understand that. He then asked about the snack incident and I explained that wasn't because I was angry with him.

It was amazing to see the weight lift off his shoulder. He is one sensitive son. He always amazes me with making our tea, doing dishes without being asked, helping out in even simple ways, if he walks past me and I am done eating he picks up my plate and takes it to the sink. He's just like that. Even when we go somewhere and he sees someone needing help he will be right there to lend a hand, before they even ask.
Chase also has encouraged his siblings, all of them, to help more, when they see him helping out without being asked or whining. It's such a blessing to have him as our son. I am thankful we had Chloe to figure out what was wrong, but I can't wait till his English is better and he can tell me himself what is wrong, but that comes in time as well as him learning he has a moody, very human mother who isn't all smiles every day. Chloe also told him to say "I don't know" instead of "uhhumm," when he doesn't understand us. That may just help matters:)

Just him being willing to help with chores and him caring so much makes me more aware of being thankful for what I have and to be more thoughtful of how my behavior comes across to the kids. That can be a hard thing for me when there are 501 things needing done and family issues as well. Extended family that is, not our family.
What is it they say about family? That you can pick your friends but not your family----oh, so true.

Another bump for us, but it was smoothed over fairly quickly and I am happy to say when Chloe asked the boys were they happy to live here today, they both came off with a loud and strong "YES!" Making me feel much better:) It's so easy to jump to conclusions when you have the language barrier, but this just goes to show that it can be something very small that they are sensitive about and it's wrong to think the worst right off the bat.

It takes time for us all to blend, to understand each other, to figure out the boys' needs and meet them. But we love them beyond measure and will keep plugging away till we can communicate better--- each day brings us more learning and closer together. Last night when I told them all night, night, I love them, and gave each a hug, I kissed Chase's cheek and when I went to go on to the next kiddo he called me back and kissed my cheek and told me he loved me. My precious son.

Now I have to go answer questions as to "when can they drive, when can they have a cell phone, when can they get their upper ear pierced, can we go swimming today, etc." AHHHHHH! Always an adventure here at my house:)


Nancy said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. What a sweet son you have in all your kids!!!! You and they are truly blessed.

Grandma Shelley said...

Well, Miss Vickie, that post brought tears to my eyes. I am sitting here wiping them and thinking about how lucky you all are to have each other! Thanks for letting us share in your life.

Nancy said...

I don't get teary very often, but man oh man, that put a huge lump in my throat. I can only imagine Chase's feelings of possible rejection, and be unable to express that. Ouch!

What a tough one to handle, but you did it!

Dawn said...

Waaaaa! I miss my sons!!!! Good mamma good son!
blessings always