Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Awake at 2 am

Now I know we are traveling soon. Firstly I am awake at 2 am and I'm a gal who loves my zzzz's. Then last night I had the funniest dream. I dreamed there was this older boy from Ch*na who needed adopted by a red headed momma, and I fit the bill. So when I went to meet him he was thrilled I had red hair and he loved me. The kicker was it was one of our boys:) Isn't that goofy. I even woke up happy 'cause he was so thrilled I was his momma, then I laughed and thought how silly that was. And I wondered, where was the other boy? Does this mean another child AFTER the boys?? (MOM-do not call me to tell me to get help- it's too late for that)

I don't "think"there is but you know what? If God called me again, I'd do it. I took issue to that just a short time ago in my life, God telling me what to do? Yeah, sure, to behave, not cheat on hubby, not take His name in vain. I got that.

But what I didn't get was the everyday, day to day TRUST in Him to guide my life where He wants me to be. Sometimes this has meant not following something I WANTED badly. It didn't seem like a bad thing and it wasn't it just wasn't what God wanted for us at that time.

It's really so rewarding to finally say "you know what God-take it from here. I make a mess of things, and you are perfect so please, just tell me what to do and I'll do it". It's like being a child again with no worries but what toy to play with, or if nap time is coming soon. And when the going gets rough, I just look to Heavenly Daddy to keep me safe.
With each step that I give of me to Him, I am rewarded with so many treasures, I can't help but wonder why more people aren't following this road? Do they not see this amazing road to peace? Do they feel it's not real- that eventually it leads to bad? I can't imagine this because I know that walking this road, I am going to go deeper and deeper and find more of me that really matters. I know as I walk this road and I grow deeper in trusting Him, He will expect me to give more of myself, to grow within Him and with this trust I give Him guide others as babes, new to Him to see what His promises are. Instead of feeling worried about what that might mean (the old me) I hope He uses me in that way even now.

Just in our journey He has taken care of these 3 children to become a part of our family. A true miracle. I know this because if it had taken Chloe even 3 months to come home and gain enough English for us to understand she had siblings, it would have been TOO LATE. Yes, this journey would be too late for one of her brothers. Then as each step came He took care of them, just like the $$ issue, it was a small gnat daring to buzz around Him, he just swatted it away like a silly annoyance, but to us this was HUGE. Another miracle.

Even before we met Chloe, God had this all planned. Because both the boys had files at different agencies and not one of their 3 files mention the siblings. NOT ONE. But neither boy had been chosen. But yet they HAD been. BY God. He knew our hearts and how much Chloe would mean to us and that having raised 3 boys already we would not hesitate to accept the boys and follow His call to us to go back for her brothers. I can only feel humbled that He chose us to do this. Humbled. Not special, not wonder woman, I am just like every other mom out there. I get mad, I get frustrated, I laugh at empty boxes left in the cupboard by children, I wonder where grocery money is coming from, I pinch pennies, buy on clearance. But I do NOT worry. That's also turned over to Heavenly Daddy to take that burden since I now trust Him to keep us. I know He will.

Do you wonder what He has planned for you if you haven't taken the steps to really give over your worries and fears and let Him "cover" you. Hey, I'm nothing special, if can do this for me- He can and will be happy to take on your life burdens as well. Try it, it's an amazing journey. He's got amazing things to bring to your life if you just take His road.

Sound too simple for you? Don't despair for you die hard people who are worried you will still face strife. Well, yeah, you will. BUT this will be different, because instead of standing on that road alone when strife comes a callin' you'll be amazed when you turn to Him to find Him right there, covering you in His armor to handle whatever it is coming your way. And you'll realize He was prepared for this before you even realized it was coming. He KNOWS. And He wants us to turn to Him. He is thrilled when we do and He will NOT let us down. Nothing in life can give you that. Nothing. Not a human, not a pet, not a child, not a home, a fancy car, money, nothing.

I hope that for everyone who is touched by the siblings story that you think what God could have in store for YOU if you walk with Him. Take that step and then another and another, it's an awesome walk. For good time and bad, easy days and tough ones, I invite Him along and I'm not looking back.

Today ended up being such a nice day, oldest son is almost 25 years old, he said I seemed stressed so he invited me for a day away- we went to lunch at the Ol*ve Garden, his treat, YUM... and he bought me a wonderful study Bible I have been wanting with a carry case as well, an early Momma's Day gift in case we are not home on Mom's Day. He's such a good son. I enjoyed the time out, no adoption news came so I missed nothing and I feel so relaxed.

We're off to Bible Study, hope every one else takes a day like I did today, to just recharge and enjoy LIFE.

1 comment:

Holly said...

Great post, Vicki. So good and so true. Praying for you all as the time draws near!