Monday, January 4, 2010

Back to school

It was so quiet here today :) Off they happily went to school. I had the house clean, many loads of laundry done, dishes done, all before 11 am. It was nice to have some quiet time.

This evening I took Chloe for a haircut, just a trim. Then we checked out glasses, she needs an exam but she assures me if I buy her new frames with plastic molded frame verses her ones she has now with the nose pads, that she will wear them all the time, yeah and pigs fly too. Mother was not born yesterday.

It's going to come to a battle, in which I will have to force her to wear them. She needs them and I have been patient enough with her never having them before. Em had to have glasses as well and just got them this last week, she is doing great wearing hers so Chloe will just have to accept she needs them and wear them :(

As we picked up a few things at the store, I came out from returning the cart and she had her head out of the van looking everywhere for me. I told her (joking) to get her head back in the van, she said " I no see you, I scared bad man come and say- give me your chicken and your money." I laughed as Miss Drama Queen was making all this up and could hardly tell me for her laughing so hard. She is such a goof. I did tell her she was pretty safe, she could lock the doors, there were cameras in the parking lot.

I was giving some support to another adoptive parent of a teen this weekend and came across yet another family that has followed God's call to adopt but then been slammed with the negativity of their family. Much to the dismay of many adoptive families, this sadly, is COMMON.

All I can say is SHAME ON YOU... and you all know who you are. For one thing the rule to adopt is you must be 35 for Ch*na, so we aren't talking about " hey, I'm 18 now, I think I'll adopt." It's usually a point of your life that you are pretty well set up, at least emotionally. Plus add in costs, and just the huge amount of paperwork, the time waiting, and you have mainly committed mature people doing this. As I don't know any people that do it for show, it's just so much deeper to add a child in and have to respect their culture, their past, their needs, than to do it for silly reasons.
So WHY does anyone feel they have a right to even COMMENT negatively? Our families care about us, hummmm... well, then why are they not happy for us, why are other adoptive parents MORE supportive? Why do we hear comments like "why do you need more?" from FAMILY?? When strangers say " oh wow, yeah, I'd have to go back for brothers too, good for you." We aren't looking for anyone to say what great folks we are, we aren't looking for a spot on TV for the next reality show.

It just would be nice if everyone's families said "wow another child, how blessed they and you will be." And STOP there. Don't ask how we can afford it unless you are paying my living expenses. Ask us "what can we do to help you?" Can we pray? Doesn't cost a DIME to pray for our family.

Please family, realize us adopting doesn't give you any more right to say to us "why, how, and what are you thinking?" than if we did the natural way and were pregnant- honest. You may not WANT that much information about us.

My best support has been someone from our church family, Chloe's friend's mom. She called me up out of the blue and said " I can't get the sibs story out of my mind- what can I do to help". She has not been able to financially help, but she calls me, she was there when I got the LOA for Chance and said "AHHH, now this and this and this needs done" and was flipping out. She said "you can do this" and I did! She told our story to people that have donated funds to help get our boys home. She is not asking for anything in return, she answered God's call for her to do this.

Families need to realize that these are children we have been called to adopt. Not that anyone HAS to do it too, it isn't for everyone. BUT it's so simple to just be willing to accept this child is, in fact, OUR CHILD, the child born in our hearts and our dreams that you are cutting up. Do you have the right? NO, I don't believe you do. So please, if you do not appreciate what God is leading us to do, smile and move on. Do not spread your ill will on MY family, because this is MY family, these children all blended in love and I will do all I can to protect them.

As children of our Savior I think many more "family members" need to understand GOD tells us to care for the widows and the orphans. We are doing His Will and if you don't like that- too bad, you are missing out on knowing some really cool kids.

If you happen to be the family member and I urge adoptive families, send this link to your disappproving family member to read, then I say "what is really your issue?" Do you think that one child on this earth deserves to live on the streets, hungry, scared? Adoption is not adding to the world population, it's giving a child, already born a chance at LIFE. Do you really think your son, daughter, mother, father, sister will love you LESS if they adopt? I encourage you to visit what your TRUE fear is and meet it head on. Beat it to the ground with joy and welcome for this new member of your family.

It's hard enough for the parents to take on many unknowns about their new child, worry about bonding, their medical needs, their educational needs, racial acceptance, so why would FAMILY add in another WORRY- it's NOT what family is supposed to be for!

Don't know what you can do? Make a phone call, e-mail, send a letter today, say to adoptive parents "what can I do to help?" It will mean so much to them. And to all of you that are already doing this for a child or a family that's adopting, GOOD JOB, please pat yourself on the back, you are wonderful.

I can tell you that there is yet to be a person that Miss Kitty doesn't like. She is all sweetness, and love. Chloe is more of a pistol but I can't begin to imagine life without either one of these precious girls. Any big or little thing we have done for them they have given us back 10 fold and we feel like we hit the super jackpot by being chosen for THEM.

Negative family members, I ask you--do you really want to mess with something that wonderful, really???

4 comments:

Grandma Shelley said...

The only thing left to say, Vickie, is....AMEN.

Jerry and Christy said...

You are so right! I don't know why family thinks they have a say in what you should do. We have adopted twice and our oldest son (has been out of our home for 9 years) said if we adopt again he would disown us. These girls have not taken any thing away from him. They have added so much to our family and have made me a better Mom.
I will remember what you said if God calls us to adopt again.
Christy

Karen said...

AMEN, AS WELL. I have heard my family say that my adopting children effects them. Do they not realize that things they do also effect me. In both positive and negative ways. And sometimes in ways that hurt and confuse me as well. THIS IS LIFE!! AND, I INTEND TO LIVE MINE FOR MY CHRIST THAT HAS CALLED ME TO THIS SERVICE. And I take it on with all the commitment and love my heart can hold. We can only be concerned with what we are called to do even if we did not choose it. So family and friends, welcome to the world of adoption. We will love you regardless of how you feel, but please do not hurt us or our children for something we choose to do out of love and devotion not only for another human being but for our God. Your Father as well. Forgive us if we have a little less time. We are called to this and it is a treasure for us. We invite you to share in this journey and you might even enjoy it as well. We in no way will abandon you, nor our calling. I hope you can embrace the depth of this message and the love it carries. It is very hard to put into words the passion we have in our hearts for all of our family, including these children that have been chosen for us. You are each an honor for me to know.I can only pray you feel the same for us.

Holly said...

Wowee...You preach it, sister!