These kids, they scare me. Why, you say? Are they that
B-A-D? No, not really, it's just I can see them when I am old and too cranky to kick the bucket and they will be fighting over who is going to change my peed diaper or feed me for the day. I think they will bicker in front of me till I am insane and even then I will hear their past fights in my head for the rest of my natural born life. Someone better spare me their "love" and park me in the old folks home as soon as I start slobbering and talking nonsense. (That doesn't mean TODAY)
Okay, now that I have that off my chest. I read a blog when I was (hiding from the children) taking a break for myself over this wonderful holiday break and apparently some "expert" claims that older children adopted ALWAYS have issues, that it never goes well. Hummmm----I could really get my nose out of joint over that statement. Seeing that we have BTDT and are gearing up to do it again.
BUT.... it makes me more sad than mad. It's like saying all red heads have tempers. It's like saying all Asians are smart. It's just plain stupid and WRONG. What if ONE family heard that and had been called to adopt an older child and they decided they couldn't handle it-- did the EXPERT care to shoulder THAT??
I've tried to be really open with Chloe's adoption, to allow anyone considering it to see how it's gone for us. It's not a piece of cake, but nothing worthwhile usually is! I feel the best defense is to be prepared for anything and everything you can. Chloe has been soooo worth all we went through make her our daughter. She can be snotty, loving, mad, laughing, crying all in the matter of a few minutes. Pretty much a normal teen if you ask me or anyone else that knows her.
I knew when we decided to adopt an older child that we lived in a rural area and we needed to make sure she had Chinese contacts for her, so we do have friendship students from the local college, we have friends with mostly younger daughters from China. Chloe misses China, this is not something we take personally, she loves us, she is happy here but I can't cook spicy enough to suit her, she misses friends she had over the years, she misses her culture.
Does that mean it is "not going well?" I don't think so, if she didn't miss things I would think something was wrong. We can't replicate her culture, but we gave her a family. It's the best we could do and if you ask her, the trade off was well worth it. We adore her, all of us, it's like she has been here forever. She will even joke and say "you born me." And honestly- don't we ALL have issues?? I think everyone deals with things they grew up with, lived through, found out, whatever, and could potentially have "issues" over. It's called LIFE.
Chloe and I have spent a good part of 2 days now working a puzzle together, a hard one. She tells me "I don't think that go there" very nicely, then told me "good job" when I finally do get a piece right. It's really fun to spend time with her-except when she starts the interrogation-" why you no take me to China, why you no buy me boots today, you buy me toys in China? boots? You get me brothers?" Yesterday she wanted to know why I no get her big sister speak Chinese. She's quite the demanding turd sometimes, she really caught on to the whole teen "me, me and ME" thing real quick. Just like a daughter, talking to her mom. Don't ask me to say I love the conversation content, but just the fact we HAVE conversation---- love IT, no doubt this child has become MY daughter.
It's a different journey but one that is sooo very worth it. We are honored to have been led to Chloe, having originally thought of a 9 or 10 year old. Then seeing her pic and knowing, there she is. We waited DAYS to see if another family was going forward for her, and then finally we were there--even with the surprise of the brothers I wouldn't change a thing---we will rejoice when the brothers are home. And maybe by then I'll have some spicy hot recipes for them to enjoy together:)