Monday, October 13, 2008

2 Years Ago

2 years ago we were handed a tiny, nearly bald little girl. To love, to have as our daughter for all time. Love at first sight. It just gets better and better. She is so full of love, hugs, and joy, she tells me every day she is happy I am HER momma.

She amazes us and makes every day brighter with her smiles, her cuddles and her little tiny kisses, she is a kissing girl. Outgoing and loving, a wonderful and cherished daughter to us.

Even as we accepted the fact that our baby was going to Heaven this was Miss Kat's goodbye to him. Me- Kat, the baby is going to go to Heaven soon to be with Jesus and be His angel. Kat- "ahhh but I wuvvvv him- you go play with Jesus baby and I'll come play wif you, but not just yet 'cause I not have boo boos in my head." And off she went to the sitter's to spare her the harder time of him passing. Just like that, she had the right outlook on his passing and we find comfort in the words of the innocent as we KNOW them to be true. Our baby is ohhinng and ahhhing and creating chaos all over Heaven, like he could not do here.

We did not get to do much to celebrate our 2 year family day with all that went on here, but this too, was not a big deal since she got a Dora umbrella that she has been wanting for a longgggg time so she was quite happy to have a very desired gift to honor her day:) Donovan must have been jealous since he asked what he was getting and we explained he was NOT adopted and he claimed "no fair" so if anyone wants to try to explain that one to me, let me know.I just shook my head.

So how are we doing seems to be a big question. Honestly, it's hard. It was hard to understand the world was continuing on while a baby died. It defies our brain's logic. But as we realize it must, that the children are accepting and needing to return to normal schedules, we are healing and realizing the true gift of this baby we received. To be 40 and told to hold, cuddle, love and nurture a little guy, let the dishes, sweeping, laundry go, was a gift. To be able to use my nursing skills to give him the best life possible for the time he had, was another gift. I thanked him as he passed for sharing his life with us, he has changed me for the better for the rest of my life. So I think we are going to be okay. Sad at times, but to mourn him at length or wish him here for him to be in pain is not an option, he was not about this. he was about love, smiles, coos, short but SWEET.

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