Friday, October 31, 2008

Oh no, It's ALL about ME?

Okay, I have tagged twice so I guess I have to respond. Who wants to know anything about ME?? I'm not so sure. But here goes.......

1. Can't stand socks, don't wear them unless I have to and they come off as soon as possible. I wear sandals or clogs till I am laughed and shamed into wearing socks and real shoes sometime in Jan. or Feb.

2. I like tropical Skittles but I take them and sort them into little piles by color to eat them. I've been called OCD so don't think I don't KNOW.

3. When I was a kid we all went as a family to my Great Aunts' house every Sunday after church for dinner ( I LOVE traditions) and we had Aunt Stella's homemade sweet pickles with mashed potatoes, we scooped the potatoes with the pickles and ate them- to this day I LOVE this food combo, but can't find pickles like Aunt Stella's- no way, not even close. But I can dream.

4. As a kid, all I ever wanted to be was a MOM- the nurse part was more incidental. But suits me too:) I am soooo glad the mom part came true so many times- and hope for MORE:)

5. I have a plaque that survived 9 moves in my adult lifetime including to Germany and back, a few marriages, many kids, that my hubby made me when he was 16 and I was 14. He made it in wood shop and it says "Vickie." I kept it all those years and it hangs in our living room in a place of honor. ( yeah we have one of those great love stories, we were together as first loves, went our separate ways, married others, had kids, came back to each other, both were single again and realize we were always in love with each other. Married happily ever after :) That plaque is one special piece of wood:)

6. I love to do crafts but I can not crochet. I wish I could, it looks easy, but all I can do is one row with my fingers. I think the hooks were made to stab yourself with when you get so frustrated 'cause you can't do it. I give up. Don't get me started on me and sewing machines. AHHHHH.

7. I am a photo- holic. I had over 1000 pics of the baby to be printed, this did not include ones already printed and scrap booked during his short life when we went to make the 4 tri-fold poster boards for his memorial service. Needless to say, we did not miss a day of his life. Weird? Well, okay. I accept the title with pleasure.

Okay I did it. Seven crazy and wacky things all about me. Didn't even take me too awful long either.

I am not tagging anyone else 'cause I just don't feel like it. How's that for stubborn? No, actually it's been a rough week. Not even about the baby, we miss him, not wanting him back here to be in pain, but we just miss HIM being HERE. No more kisses, ohhhh's from him, these are the things we loved about him and will miss for some time.

To top things off we are now foster less. We made a very painful decision to have the 18 year old girl removed from our home. In our time of grief she saw fit to be compiling a list of "wrongdoings" that she perceived we were doing and we just felt that this girl's need for DRAMA far outweighed what we are able to tolerate. Our life is NOT about drama and we told her that from the beginning.

Being as drama -free as possible with teens in the house, is how we provide the stable, loving and secure environment that we feel best nurtures all children into healthy adults. Life is not just about ONE person and when you try to make it that, you can lose sight of the importance of LIVING, loving and caring about others. She was the first we have ever had removed so this was a long and painful decision for us. We do not ever want to think we failed a child, but in this case, we clearly did not. She was unable to accept a normal way of life. I've always said fostering is not for wimps, it is really hard but totally worth it, we still feel this way.

There very well could be a reason God showed us this, maybe we have another child in our future that will really NEED our home and we are now open to accept another. Maybe I am meant to go to China soon and this is why? We do not know, I just pray all will work out in His time as I try not to get more and more paranoid that time is slipping by and if we do not hear something soon we will be looking at the heartbreak of NOT having Chloe home for Christmas. Hard not to feel as October comes to a close that we have been slammed this month but we stand strong in our faith and know there is a bigger plan in the works and I just have to learn to be more patient to see it revealed. Ahhh, that patience thing AGAIN. Man. I really am NOT good with that, but I'm trying:)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Birthday girls

It's been nothing but a party around here. Not actually, but we are trying:) Mal turned 17 on Friday the 17th. She wanted pumpkin pie. She got pumpkin pie. Kat's birthday, the BIG #5 was on Saturday and she got Hello Kitty cake. Her Royal Highness Kat, sat and WAITED for us to sing to her, after telling us to "SING". WOW> she is a diva.

Mom's birthday ( not telling the age but the boys said last year I was 39 when I insisted not, so I said "fine, I'll start going backwards then" so I am 38 by their standards. Cool huh? I actually had a terrible day, but that happens. Can't always say " it's my birthday" and it mean anything. Things happen. Maybe next year will be nicer.

Kat cracked me up when she got up and said "I not any bigger" I guess she thought being 5 meant she was going to grow overnight. Gosh that girl always makes life fun. She asked me if it was " tomorrow" when she got up on my birthday and when I said "yes" she said "Happy Birthday" to me. She LOVES birthdays, doesn't have to even be hers:)

Kat called her China grandma, her Po Po, and sang Happy Birthday to herself, she can not understand their Cantonese dialect anymore but for a few words, but they e-mail us and tell us they love to hear her "sound." She giggles and tells them she loves them. That's all that's really important anyway.

I got tagged but have to address that next time, no time today. Sorry.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Blessings Received

We are so blessed. How do we say this NOW, in our time of grief? Because our baby was a pure and wonderful gift, no regrets, not a day wasted. Then in his passing, we received word we were awarded a grant toward Chloe's adoption. WOW. We could hardly celebrate but we are so incredibly thankful for this. It is sinking in. The world does go on.

We honor our baby, and his lessons go on in us, so now we are focusing on Chloe and the gift her life is. The fun she will be in our family. She never got to meet our boy, but her life will be better thanks to his. We are more patient. We remember to love, kiss and hold our children each and every day. Our priorities are in the right place. Little things do not upset us.

We headed to the park to play, mom didn't realize I had two different colored shoes on till I was there and I laughed about it. Laughed. A white sandal and a brown sandal. You gotta admit, it's funny. I walked to the park like that. The kids got a kick out it, so I am glad I am absentminded a bit.I haven't forgotten to feed anyone so I am good. Life is good.

Monday, October 13, 2008

2 Years Ago

2 years ago we were handed a tiny, nearly bald little girl. To love, to have as our daughter for all time. Love at first sight. It just gets better and better. She is so full of love, hugs, and joy, she tells me every day she is happy I am HER momma.

She amazes us and makes every day brighter with her smiles, her cuddles and her little tiny kisses, she is a kissing girl. Outgoing and loving, a wonderful and cherished daughter to us.

Even as we accepted the fact that our baby was going to Heaven this was Miss Kat's goodbye to him. Me- Kat, the baby is going to go to Heaven soon to be with Jesus and be His angel. Kat- "ahhh but I wuvvvv him- you go play with Jesus baby and I'll come play wif you, but not just yet 'cause I not have boo boos in my head." And off she went to the sitter's to spare her the harder time of him passing. Just like that, she had the right outlook on his passing and we find comfort in the words of the innocent as we KNOW them to be true. Our baby is ohhinng and ahhhing and creating chaos all over Heaven, like he could not do here.

We did not get to do much to celebrate our 2 year family day with all that went on here, but this too, was not a big deal since she got a Dora umbrella that she has been wanting for a longgggg time so she was quite happy to have a very desired gift to honor her day:) Donovan must have been jealous since he asked what he was getting and we explained he was NOT adopted and he claimed "no fair" so if anyone wants to try to explain that one to me, let me know.I just shook my head.

So how are we doing seems to be a big question. Honestly, it's hard. It was hard to understand the world was continuing on while a baby died. It defies our brain's logic. But as we realize it must, that the children are accepting and needing to return to normal schedules, we are healing and realizing the true gift of this baby we received. To be 40 and told to hold, cuddle, love and nurture a little guy, let the dishes, sweeping, laundry go, was a gift. To be able to use my nursing skills to give him the best life possible for the time he had, was another gift. I thanked him as he passed for sharing his life with us, he has changed me for the better for the rest of my life. So I think we are going to be okay. Sad at times, but to mourn him at length or wish him here for him to be in pain is not an option, he was not about this. he was about love, smiles, coos, short but SWEET.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Tristan is an Angel

Mr T. aka Tristan Macci V, son of June V and Ron & Vickie Y found his way to Heaven, yesterday October 8, 2008. Born 12-26-07, he came to us at age 5 weeks and we took every precious day as a gift and made the most of it. His smiles, his coos, his very fight to live with such severe issues of his body will be forever our inspiration to make every day count. Many people spend a much longer lifetime here and do not touch the lives of half the people this little baby boy did in his whole 9 months here on this earth.

We did not get the time to adopt him as we had wished to do. He was no less OUR son. We thank his bio mom for her gift of his life and for trusting us and sharing her son with us even now as we grieve him she has honored us in his memorial service and we will share his ashes to share him in death as we shared him in life.

Fly my boy, use those wings, we could not have loved you more, we KNOW you knew that. You are free of the defects of your body now so enjoy - we rejoice for you!! Mommy and Daddy miss you but we know you are in the arms of God. We will take your last lesson to us and use it now- stay strong, stay true, we promised to hang in there with you no matter what, we did this and handed you back to God, as the gift He gave us and we will HONOR your life and all you gave us forever.

PS- when I get to go to Heaven you better be the first thing I see crawling to me saying "mummumumumumum" as I cooed this to calm you into your ear often enough!!! I could not have loved you more, my boy, thank you for sharing your life with me- I will carry you in my heart forever. I love you Tristan babe.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Prayer Warriors Call

I have said before I would post when the time came. Our boy, Mr. T has taken a turn for the worse. He has a bowel blockage and will need to get "things" going or we are looking at him passing on, back to the Hands of our Lord.

Please pray for him, for healing if this is meant to be, if not, strength for us to accept and show grace in handing this precious gift back to his Maker.

We have Hospice in, we are doing all we can to try to get his bowels moving ( never wanted anyone to poop so badly!!) but it may be an underlying issue that can not be helped. We should know within a few days good or bad. I will try to update but I can't hardly stand to leave his side.

9 months of blessing of this wonderful child. We thank you Lord, and if you must take him, then we will rejoice in the time we had him.

Everyone HUG YOUR BABIES. In honor of our boy:)