Wednesday, May 2, 2007

A post about Mom

I am posting in red as I am seeing red today. Kat is fine, by the way, this is about ME ( I would have liked to do what she is doing in the photo but I thought it would be kind of childish:( It's all about ME! Anyway. I go to the heart doctor. I had a fast pulse rate (140's) when in the hospital and truth be known, it's been that way for years. I just never really pushed the issue with my doc. So he wanted me to be checked. I had a sleep study done 2 years ago. I knew I had sleep apnea- not severe but did not know I was recommended C-PAP. Yeah, that funny machine you wear to bed over your face, strapped to your head and is ever so appealing if a mood would happen to strike in our house. Ha ha about that. Hubby has one, I KNOW what it's about. Hubby does not wear his most of the time, having been known to fling it off while asleep, hitting yours truly with it! I'm not fond of said machine.
Also I have asthma, having a bout as recent as April. Leg swelling, been doing that for a few years, on medicine for that. Mild depression, history of that due to Camden never sleeping through the night from age 6 months on. It took me a year to admit something was wrong as I NEVER slept the whole night, we played musical beds every night. Camden would start in his, go to mine, I would be crowded out, go to his (even smaller) bed, he would follow, I'd go back to mine, he would follow, I would end up on couch. Sometimes he would even follow me there! Needless to say after a year and a half of this EVERY night I was nearly brain fried. So low dose medicine for that. Cholesterol has been high for years, no one cared to do anything about that either.
Heart doctor concludes that my "nervous system" problems, asthma, sleep apnea, high cholesterol and possibly the heart rate issue are due to "my weight". His recommendation?? Lose 70 lbs in the next few months or I am bound for C-PaP, cholesterol meds, and higher dose of med for heart rate. He already jacked up the dose on that today as my rate is 90-100 resting and he wants it 70-80 per minute. I FEEL OLD> I am 39, am I falling apart? Guess I have no choice but to take off the weight and see what it helps. My issue with this-
1. I do not smoke, never have other than that brief period in high school when I thought I was "cool" and smoked on the weekends only?
2. I do not drink- last time was a toast for my daughter in China and I fully warned China team my previous alcohol consumption was 7 or 8 years before! I don't drink :)
3. I do not do drugs, even without inhaling HA HA. No drugs, except medication ordered by doc.
4. I'm fluffy. I have kind of grown to like it. I do not see it as the "vicious cycle" of feeding my anxiety as he said, I see it as "eat whatever I want". No guilt. I maintain the same weight. I do not spaz over a pound. I like food. Food is fun, food is good. I'm not thrilled at my clothing selection but jeans are cool. I carry weight okay, no one would guess I need to drop that much weight.
My fun is gone. No more fun. I am nasty on a diet, I admit it. I warned family, run now, run for the hills, buy ear plugs, move out, jump ship. It's gonna get ugly here. I know he is right. I know I need to do this. I just didn't want to be told "you're fat" even nicely put. He even said I MUST exercise and it will tire me out- yeah, that's encouraging me- NOT!
Doesn't everybody deserve one bad habit? (Okay it's 2 if you count the non exercise issue)I didn't think it was such an terrible thing. But to know what they want to do to me if I don't lose the weight is unbearable. Tomorrow starts the makeover of my health. I only get one body in this lifetime and I want to live to be here for my kids, especially my little girl! I'll post pictures when I am thin, till then, everyone can just refer to Gotcha Day photo, I'm the same weight as then.
I did lose weight 4 years ago, 80+ lbs. I was miserable. I thought, get skinny, life would be grand. That was about the same time the non sleep issue slammed me. So let's hope this time goes better. I'm just really bummed tonight. I have eaten everything yummy that I will never be able to eat again today, ever since I got the news. My last hurrah to my food. Tomorrow fruit is my friend, water is my drink, exercise (the "other" swear word) in my life will be spoken and done. No more yo-yo either, that's not healthy. I've done that for many years. So encourage, yell, pray, laugh, cry with and for me as IT'S ALL ABOUT ME! I think I'm going to be awful boring. No "bad food", Exercise. Yipeeeeeee :( I'll keep everyone updated.
Kat has been doing wonderful the past few days, her tooth looks good. She played at Camden's t-ball practice yesterday and had a blast. Tonight she went to her friend Jadalyn's house and stayed for an hour and played. She ate yogurt (never eats at home) hot dog with ketchup ( never eats at home) and was very good. She loves to play with Jada. They look so funny together as Jada is 4 months younger but sooo much bigger than Kat, although height wise Kat is catching up. Jada also gave her jersey sheets for her toddler bed, Kat was so happy she wiggled in her bed when I put them on. She told me last night her regular sheets were "cold" so she was very tickled with these warmer ones. Plus anything from Jada is just the greatest :) So much fun to have a little friend.


aprochnow said...

Hey Vickie-I'm on board...let's do this together! I've also got about 70 pounds I'd like to loose...though you're the only one I've told the real number too!!! My goal for the short term is 25 by July...vacation! I started walking on Monday (treadmill at 5:30 am...I'm NOT a morning person!) I'm also trying to eat much less. I always have drank a lot of water, but Im trying to do even more to keep me "full" so I don't snack. Donuts and ice cream are my well as the Chinese buffet...luckily we only do that once in a great while. I'm here to encourage you! We can do this!!!!!
I have never had my cholesterol checked, but I also have asthma. I have PCOS, and a symptom of that is insulin I'm a prime canidate for diabetes (not to mention the exra padding!)

ronvic7 said...

Okay, I am trying Day 1 was BADDDDD> but I exercised and ate healthy.